Bad Catholic Blog

Month of Drama

2009-12-28T22:15:00.003Z

My goodness, it's been a while since I updated here. December seems to have passed in an exhausting flurry. To fill you in on what's happened since I last blogged: after a lot of rehearsals we finally put on our panto. It was a long run (for me) of 13 shows but I got through it all, I was able to sing my solo parts well and for that I feel quite proud of myself and hope to build on that and finally kick my stagefright.

Right in the middle of the run I got offered and started a job which was busy, hetic but well-pid so I got stuck in despite being exhausted from working all day and performing all night. However, it was not meant to be it seems. After 6 days of being there some senior managers decided to cancel my contract without having any understanding of what the job involves and how under-staffed and busy the team I worked for was/is. I'm still quite annoyed as I saw this as my chance to work steady somewhere and knuckle down, word hard, make a lot of money and sort myself out. But some people had other plans.

So I'm back at square one. No job, little money, and not much I can do to help the jobhunt t the minute as with being Christmas, it's all gone quiet. So I'm back home with the family (another drama, couldn't get home and ended up staying in London on Xmas Day and flying home on Boxing Day), I'm feeling so so so sooooo bored and could really do with a computer that can play sound and music. I really need to get my You Tube on and the laptop that has always been my lifeline when I visit home is awaiting repairs. Gahhhh!!!

And I'm not feeling well.

I'm so tragic!

Show Stuff

2009-11-30T14:40:00.003Z

Still out of work, still waiting for the outcome of THREE job interviews I've had recently so while I'm waiting I thought I'd do a bit of blog updating. Not that I have an awful lot to say. Panto rehearsals are dominating my life at the minute and I rarely have a free evening now. Between now and Sunday 20th I'll only have 2 evenings off (and all day Saturday 6th). How am I meant to have a social life??!! Our show ends at 10pm so I suppose I could always shoehorn in a hour or two here or there at parties or events. it is possible. I might just collapse with exhaustion.

Quite preoccupied with my solo singing parts I have in the show. During rehearsal I get nervous and forget all technique AND i forget to breathe which is not helpful when one needs to use her vocal chords. Hoping I can master the art of continuing to sing in my chest voice despit the song sitting right on the break between my chest and head voice. Helpful! it is a wonderful song though and one I want to do well. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

And that's it from me. Without a job to do in the daytime and panto taking up all my free time there's not much room for anything else. I could talk about personal, personal stuff but I should draw the line somewhere. Don't know what I'd say anyway. Boys are confusing and battling my extreme self-doubt is boring. Onto the final month of this year!

Christmas Wishful Thinking

2009-11-06T12:16:00.005Z

My New Man Friend is going back to Brazil at Christmas to spend time with his family. Two of my girl friends are going to be spending their Christmas and New Year in Thailand and Cambodia. What fun. I could do with a cash injection right about now to book me a ticket to far, far away places. I'm willing it to happen!

Fings Wot I'm Doing

2009-11-06T12:02:00.005Z

I'm really not sure what I want to do with this blog at the moment. I'm obviously not updating and crap at it but dont' want to close it completely. The Twitter blurb on the right should tell you that I'm still alive and kicking. I'm finally working again after being unemployed for yonks. It's only a 7 week role but it's a start. Hopefully find another role to move into once this contract is up but if not then at least I'll have filled a gap on my CV and I won't look quite so useless.

On top of working I'm also keeping busy with rehearsals for a pantomine I'm performing in next month and getting organised for a play I'll be stage managing too on top of trying to maintain a full and active social life. It's all looking quite busy until December 19th. I was also offered a 2 day intern role in a small theatre company which would have be interesting and beneficial to do but that offer came on the day I started in my new office role meaning I was unable to accept the offer. Typical!

That more of less sums up the past week. October was quite packed and busy for someone who was out of work. I found stuff to do. From volunteering for brain research at a university to taking part and rehearsing for two shows were performed on the same night! How about that for a juggling act. I'm slowly getting back in touch with people I have been planning to catch up with for ages. It's actually proving to be very difficult. Not just me with the busy schedule it seems.

So that's a quick scribble bringing you up to date on various things. I have a job, I have a show to perform, one to stage manage too, I have friends, I have no money, I'm still not over MJ and I haven't seen This Is It in the cinema.

Home

2009-08-28T01:01:00.002Z

I'm home! Proper home, at the moment. The family home. I've been fitted for my bridesmaid dress and am taking it easy for the rest of my time here. Big Sister is coming around later today and bringing my 13 month old neice with her and I can't wait to see her (my neice, not Bog Sister - boring!).

I've been spending my time on the internet and/or contemplating life and all that sails in her.

Before I Go

2009-08-26T01:29:00.004Z

Lots on my mind. So much has happened, so much still going on. I don't know what I will or won't address. I don't know if I want/can/need too talk about that. I couldn't possibly describe or talk about these past few months in a coherent way and I don't know if I'll try.

However, I'm off home tomorrow. To do bridemaid dress fitting things and Dad's secret birthday party things. It will be nice to have a break from the city I think. get home and get some fresh air, see my little 13 month old neice who's all grown up since the last time I saw her (at Christmas when she was 5.5 months). I've also had the idea come to me to go for a waddle down to the forest and lough near to where I live and soak up the natureness and stuff. Must pack some trainers then!

Maybe I can organise my thoughts better once I'm back.

(In a nutshell: Still out of work, still without a man, skinnier now, have done some acting work on camera, some photoshoots, lined up two plays to act in and preparing for some other possible shows in the near future too)

Words I Like

2009-08-09T01:34:00.003Z

This was my horoscope a couple of days ago from MSN. Whatever you think about astrology, I like it regardless:

LEO - July 24th - August 23rd
Putting your heart into your work will have wonderful results. You're enormously
creative, and can develop new methods which are less expensive and more appealing. If you're looking for work, seek opportunities related to politics, architecture, or
banking. You could find just the sort of high profile job that brings out the best in
you. People respond well to your warm energy and attracting new clients and customers will make you popular with the boss.

Back Soon

2009-08-04T01:07:00.001Z

Coming back. Bit by bit. Sorting out myself and my life.

Help

2009-06-27T01:38:00.000Z

"Your darkest hours are your defining moments and greatest achievements."

MJ

2009-06-26T03:10:00.001Z

So numb. In a daze. Can't believe he's gone. I don't know what's ahead now.

Blogging From Bed

2009-06-24T18:42:00.002Z

I'm on the verge on coming down with something.in the past couple of hours i have gone form the odd sniffle to feeling completely drained and having no energy even though I didn't have a very taxing day in the slightest. This sucks.

I need to go out running. I went for a two mile run on Sunday and walked about half of it. i've got a 5k run in August and a 10k run in September to prepare for but my immediate goal is to run the whole 2 mile route without stopping to walk. I shall do it. Unfortunately I don't know if I even have the energy to drag my carcass to the supermarket later for some Beechams nevermind pounding the street of Saff London.

So for the time being I shall continue to lie in bed. Reading ("A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey) and waiting on a director or two to call me with the outcome of last night's auditions. I audition for two play (with the same theatre company) and there is one role in particular that I really want. It's a lead role and it will be tough to do but I think I can do it and I really want it. Trying to be positive but it doesn't help knowing that a former actress/current drama teachers auditioned after me. Not fair. If you're a professional actor then go audition for a professional production. Leave us amateurs to the amdram. Grrrr!

Tomorrow I'm havin a psychic reading done for a TV show. I have all this free time and can't afford to do anythign with it so I signed up for this recording. It's something do after all, which beats sitting in, being bored, losing the plot and obsessing about things I shouldn't obsess about.

Dancey Dancey

2009-06-21T01:36:00.003Z

I;ve just got in from a night out. Not drunk but I',m tired and weary so I feel a little drunk. I did a bit of chatting up and some dirty dancing so it was a good night. Helped that there was some good music playing. I don't need any trendy electro trance beats or shite like that. Give me Beyonce, Pussycat Dolls, Shakira Shakira, Lady Gaga and sme vintage Whitney Houston and I can be found throwing shapes on the dancefloor like a madwoman. And I had a lot of fun doing it. it felt good to let go and dance myself dizzy with my girlfriends. It also didn't hurt that I teased some of the boys my (sometimes) dirty move. I am naughty.

Anyway, I need to wake up in fours hours to shower, get ready and travel to the shooting of some viral. I have not idea what it's about. Something involving a free runner and apparently I'm going to be "right up in the middle of the action". It's something to do, innit?! So I should have not gone out (but I had too, my friend is going back to Australia to sort out her visa) but gone to bed early to I would be chipper in the morning and looking halfway decent. Not a chance now!

Strange Survey

2009-06-13T22:23:00.006Z

Stolen from L.J.

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?::
No. You sick fucker!

What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you've dated?::
Nine years. In the end I was the more mature one despite my lack of experience and naiveness.

Ever been in a car wreck?::
No.
Edit: I was in a bus crash. Well, a car drove into the back of the bus taking us to school. If that counts.

Were you popular in high school?::
I was well known to everyone but didn't have any close friends.

Have you ever been on a blind date?::
No.

Are looks important?::
Of course. I'm lookist.

Do you have any friends that you've known for ten years or more??::
As of Summer 2008, yes!

Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them?::
Not really. It's probably more the manner in which they sleep around which affects my view. If no one's getting hurt and they use protection then that's fine. But if they're playing with people's feelings and/or doing it bareback then that's another thing.

Are you a good tipper?::
Depends on the place and the service. I am a very good stripper.

What's the most you have spent for a haircut?::
£50 I think? I think I might have spent more having it straightened once but can't remember the cost.
Ohhh... spent £70 having it braided (with extensions). I'd like to do that again, but not have them as long this time.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?::
No. I think I appreciated my GCSE French teacher but never had a thundering crush on him.

Have you ever peed in public?::
Not since I was a child. I will have no problem peeing in public next time I run a marathon. I am not adding 15 minutes to my race time because I had to queue for a portaloo.

What song do you want played at your funeral?::
Don't Stop Me Now by Queen. And an MJ song.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?::
Curry chips. Pizza.

Beatles or Stones?::
Stones. Don't like them that much but preferable to the Beatles.

Beer, wine or hard liquor?::
None of them really. I'm 99% teetotal.

Do you have any phobias?::
Death, water, oversized tube signs. Really really loud noises.

What are your plans for the future?::
Fuck knows. Do a job I like, be more creative.

Do you walk around the house naked?::
No. Didn't do it in my last flat where i lived by myself and I certainly don't do it now that I live with someone again.

Hair color you like on someone you're dating?::
I've no preference but the guys I've always been interested in/dated have had brown hair. Light brown more than dark brown.

Do you have any special talents?::
No. I'm crap.

What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?::
Go to the living room, throw myself down on a sofa and chat to Ellie who is very likely to be there.

Are you missing anyone?::
Aye.

If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do?::
Dunno. I have a big crush on Shakira but I don't think I want to do her.

Where do you want to live when you are old?::
Brazil, San Diego or somewhere else. Will depend on who I marry and grow old with.

Who is the person you can count on the most?::
My fwends.

What did you dream last night?::
I had crazy dreams but can't remember them. Earlier in the week I dreamt that I was pregnant.

Are you named after anyone?::
Blessed Imelda. She has never been made a Saint (yet).

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?::
Vodka Ice, Strawberry Daquari. The alcohol in those drinks isn't strong enough to make me gag. Champagne stinks but I like it because a little bit makes me very merry.

Non alcoholic drink?::
Coca Cola. Of coooooourse!

Have you ever been in love?::
Aye.

Do you sing in the shower?::
No. But for a long time I took baths nad only showered at the gym. Now I live in a flat with a shower I might start doing that.

Have you ever been arrested?::
No but was kinda threatened of arrest by Constable Sawar outside MJ's hotel once for using bad language.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?::
Yes. I want to have the biggest boobs in the world.

10K September

2009-06-13T00:34:00.002Z

I'm going to do a 10K run on September 6th. That means I have 12 weeks to get fit and in shape again. I've done hardly any exercise for months and months and months. Being in hospital last year really ran me down and I've never got around to being active again. Until now. There's a 5k I can do early August so shall work towards running that without stopping and then move onto the 10K a month later.

That's a plan.

Getting Back To It All

2009-06-10T11:43:00.002Z

We finally have internet in the flat. We've had it for about 5 days now but I still can't get it on my own computer yet so I am couching over Ellie's mac at the moment. We order some thing (techie speak there) to plug into my PC and hopefully onc that is done I should be able to pick up the wireless connection.

I'm hoping I can start to get things back on track now. There's so much to do and sort out with finding work and money etc. I also have an onslaught of emotional stuff to deal with and I've just felt worn out this past month. I'm making someplans in my mind. I'm considering starting a new blog, a better blog maybe (I've recently discovered my friend Jess's blog and it is way more interesting and fun to look at than mine!) and I'm also considering doing some volunteering to stop me from going crazy with boredom in my jobless state. Can't sit indoors wallowing all day long. I need to get active again.

It's a start at least....

Still Alive

2009-05-21T15:12:00.002Z

I'm here! I moved at the start of the month and we don't get out phoneline until the 26th so no internet and no time (in internet cafes) to update. I also don't have a job at the moment and going through some personal things so it's all a bit tough at the moment.

If I don't get time to update before then I'll be back online on the 26th... providing that the phone company don't mess up further!

BEDA Day Twenty Seven: Tired

2009-04-27T21:46:00.000Z

Tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired..... and I'm going to sleep.

BEDA Day 24, 25 & 26 - The Weekend

2009-04-26T21:21:00.000Z

Yes so I've probably failed the BEDA challenge now but I don't care and I'm going to continue blogging until the end of the month anyway.

I came from on Friday night after some goodbye drinks with the people from my former department. Then plan was to make watch some TV, blog and make dinner. I got as far as watching TV. At some point during the Jonathan Ross show I nodded off and didn't wake until 3am. I decided it was probably best for me to continue sleeping and rest properly than blog.. and boil water for pasta while half-asleep.

The next way was jame packed with activites and not helped by my nearest tube line being down therefore making me late. It didn't matter too much though as everyone else was running late too. A small group of us went on a nature walk and took in the sights of North London's parks before dining in a Colombian resturant then (some of them) calling it a day. Me and New Friend (NF) then headed to the cinema to watch In The Loop. Some of it I didn't understand but it did have some very funny moments. Afterwards me and NF went back to my flat and I was tied up with hostessing duties....

...which continued into Sunday morning and afternoon until we parted and went to have lunch with a girlfriend completely missing out on doing anything marathon-related. We were both knackered so it was fairly uneventful but we had some nice food and a brief shopping trip in the chemist.

Now I'm getting ready to call it a day quite soon. I'm extremely tried as I didn't sleep well last night and I really need to catch up on some Zzzs in preparation for this week. I'm not looking forward to it. Wor will be hetic and tiring and we are still trying to iron out all the details of our new flat and contract before the supposed move date this Friday. Stress! Bring on the Bank Holiday weekend!

BEDA Day Twenty Three: Almost There

2009-04-23T23:11:00.003Z

There's only one more day to get through and then it is the weekend and then I can sleep and be happy. This week has dragged. Probably because it's the first 5 day week I've worked for a while. I'm bladdy tired and I regret signing up for BEDA now because all I want to do is dry my hair and go to sleep but I've got the write first. When will it end?

BEDA Day Tweny One & Twenty Two: Bad Times

2009-04-22T22:52:00.002Z

Where is the time going? And my energy. I couldn't blog yesterday because I went around to a friend's place for dinner and come 10pm I was too knackered to travel back home so ended up having a dirty stopout at her place.

I shouldn't be in a good mood right now. And I'm not. Work is tiring and I have some arsey woman being quite unhelpful most of the time. The lettings agency is our new flat went quiet to us and now they're being awkward and requesting more info and we still haven't seen a contract and we're meant to be moving in 8 days! Finally today I was talking to a friend who is directing a play on email about a small part he was unable to cast. He told me that he was hoping me or another friend could do it so I told him I was interested and would like to do it. About an hour later he emailed back apologising but someone (who had auditioned unsucessfully for a main role) came back to him asking if she could play the small role and he gave the part to her. They part he wanted me to do. The part I said very clearly I could so. I am so pissed off.

So things are in a very strange place at the moment. I don't feel settled. My job is very temporary, I'm waiting to be told to move flats and I have no energy to pursue any of the interests that make up me. Can't it be May already?

BEDA Day Twenty: Sorry!

2009-04-20T22:31:00.000Z

I'm still extremely tired. How long until the weekend? I have no energy but so much to do.

BEDA day Eighteen & Nineteen: Unexpected

2009-04-19T23:20:00.004Z

This blog covers days Eighteen and Nineteen. The weekend took an expected turn of events so I wasn't at home last night and most of today. I'm extremely tired as I haven't slept much.

I went to a playreading last night at a friends house which turned into a mini party with is wailing on Singstar until late and I ended up staying the night. I befriend one of the guys at the playreading/party and in the morn I went back to his house where there was a Goodbye Breakfast for one of his housemates leaving today to travel. The rest of the day was spent there eating, watching TV and listening to Prince songs. Among other things.

So now I'm finally back and need to have a quick wash and hit the sack. Got my first 5 day work week in almost 2 months. Tiring!

BEDA Day Seventeen: Now It Gets Interesting

2009-04-17T22:25:00.001Z

Huh-lohhhhh. Eye'm Mel. Eye hov un El Jay. UuuuUUuuuUUuuuuuhhhhhh. We just woched HUGE JACKMAN and frothed at the gusset. Roben Write Peyeannnnnn! CUN REED MY PO-ER-FEACE. UuuuUUUUUuuuuuUUuuuuuuhhhhh!

Translation: I have an L.J. staying over and it's hella fun. We have ate pizza and queefed and creamed over Hugh Jackman on the Jonathan Ross show. We also do a wicked Lady Gaga impression even though she's a humourless, miserable twonk! We compiled a list of celebrity buhbuies that are cute.

Junior Andre
Jayden Spears
Shiloh Pitt
Kingston Rosdale
Suri Cruise (L.J. wants this one)
Violet Affleck
Maddox
Romeo Backham

We danced to a guy's ringtone on the bus home, went to Sainsburys, talked louldy about getting chlamydia screening in the Sainburys pharmacy. But it had closed.

Now I'm schleeeepy.

BEDA Day Sixteen: So Sleepy

2009-04-16T23:50:00.000Z

Oooooh it's late and I almost forgot to blog. Need to sleep soon. My emotions have been all over the place lately so I enjoy sleeping and taking a break from them all. Hopefully I can the energy to get through Friday. L.J. is staying over tomorrow so that will be hella fun. Weeeeee!

BEDA Day Fiveteen: Is It Getting Better?

2009-04-15T21:28:00.002Z

I really can't be bothered writing but I signed up for this BEDA challenge so I must see it through.

Work went a little better today than yesterday. Yesterday wasn't going too bad until 5:25pm when I realised that I hadn't faxed on something I was supposed to earlier. I don't have my digifax number yet so I faxed it to a collegue's email with the intention of having her forward the PDF to me so I could forward it on to someone else (that's a non-longwinded way of getting things done!). Oh course I got distracted with all the other stuff I have to do and forgot to completed the progress. So the recruiter who originally requested this got pissed off and shouted at me in front of everyone in the office (and the I.T. helpdesk who I was on the phone too at the same time) making it a very embarassing and uncomfortable scene. How rude!

Still, today was a bit better. It's tiring though and the other recruiter makes me feels like an idiot when I double-check things with her so I have a clue about what's going on. I've resolved to support the HRBP's as best I can so they love me and think I'm fab despite what the arsey recruiters think. That's the plan and I've only got to stick to it for a few weeks.

In the meantime, me & Ellie had 3 flat viewings and two of them were very good. We're now pondering which one to settle on and pursue. Help!

BEDA Day Fourteen

2009-04-14T21:30:00.000Z

I have no energy to write anything. Everything is meh!

BEDA Day Thirteen: Gearing Up For The Week Ahead

2009-04-13T21:45:00.001Z

The Easter holiday is now over and I'm getting ready for working tomorrow and dreading it more than usual. The woman I was working with has now left the compnay (and in probably in Chicago right now as I type) so I will be in the driver's seat from tomorrow and will have lots to do and take responibility for. I'm still in the process of learning the job so something's going to go wrong and I will probably be in tears before the week's out knowing me.

I have to remember that the role's only for about 6 weeks so I just need to drag myself through the next month and then it will become a distant memory. Hopefully I'll find another job to go straight into so I'm not stressing about work and money again. I know the ecomony's in the shitter at the moment but would it hurt to give me a nice, chunky job contract 6+ months?

I should be grateful that it's another 4 day week this week. Not long for the next weekend and have plenty planned for that. This weekend was a lot of fun if you ignore the non-existent transport system. Apart from my two trips out to Zone 6 to see Rent, I was well-fed yesterday by friends and watched loads lof films last night before having a good old girlie chat. More of the same please.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.

BEDA Day Twelve: Chocolate Time!

2009-04-12T11:13:00.001Z

Hoppy Easter! Jesus is alive! I'm blogging now as I'm just about to head out to lunch at one friend's place before staying over at another friend's place. Gosh, I actually sound popular.

I wonder if the shops have put their Easter eggs on sale now.

See you tomorrow!

BEDA Day Eleven: No Day But Today 2

2009-04-11T23:35:00.005Z

I'm just back from seeing Rent for a second time and feeling slightly emotional. Bear with me while I try to explain it. One of the reasons is realising that I won't be able to see Rent tomorrow as the run has now ended. It's one of my favourite musicals and only now have I been able to see it on stage. So it sounds funny but I enjoyed watching it so much and now I'll have to wait for another company to produce it, god knows when!

One the train home from the theatre I got into quite a serious and honest conversation with my friend. I won't go into too much details but it did involved headspace and future plans leaving me with some deep thorts to think about. Tiring isn't it? Made even more tiring but not having any proper sleep for the past 10 days so I can't process my thoughts properly. I haven't had the chance to catch up this week as I've had to get up and about to get things done. it doesn't always go according to plan.The flat viewing we had today and was rescheduled and then cancelled and we're now trying to reschedule for next week. I bet the agent had a heavy night and just couldn't be bothered leaving the house. Boo!

BEDA Day Ten: No Day But Today

2009-04-10T22:58:00.004Z

Blogging to you live from Ellie's house! A first for my blog. We just returned from a night out watching or friend in Rent and I enjoyed it muchly. A lot of strong performers leaving me vowing to do better - but in a good way. Not in an angry, pissed off way like the other show I saw the previous week. I'm going to see it again tomorrow with another friend. Fun!

The plan was to return to my flat and stay there as we have a flat viewing in the morning, however London's transport system is more of less non-exisitent making it difficult to get anywhere this weekend. Getting out to the theatre this evening was a long slog. On the way back we missed a train and would have ended up waiting 30 for a 1 hour train journey followed by another hour on the night bus so we gave up and made our way to Ellie's place which is much closer.

So time to round up and be a good little houseguest. Hope the flatviewing goes well tomorrow. Eeee!

BEDA Day Nine: Oh I Really Can't Be Arsed!

2009-04-09T23:01:00.002Z

It's late. I'm tired. I need to cook my friend's pizza.

Went to work. Had mini chocolate eggs hidden around my desk. Learnt more of the job. Went to friend's birthday drinks. Everyone was dressed all trendy and I was in my work clothes. Not that I mattered. I didn't stay too long. Went home via Sainsburys.

I now have a chocolate caramel cake to devour.

BEDA Day Eight: Too Tired To Care

2009-04-08T22:07:00.004Z

Oh my God, I am so tired and can't think and am in no fit state to write something. I was going to out-angst L.J. but I don't have the energy. Like her, I need to sort myself out big time. Roll on the Bank Holiday weekend when I can sleep, eat and sleep some more.

I'm not going to worry too much about the job when I take it over properly next week. I have been told that if in doubt about anything, talk to the recruiters. I get the feeling I will be firing lots of questions their way in the next few weeks. Oh well, it it makes life a little bit easier then hooray.

Right, I'm off to have a cup of tea, a bath and to tidy the flat. I want to sleeeeeeeep.

Beda Day Seven: Happy Now?

2009-04-08T00:36:00.004Z

Some twat is not happy that I'm posting blogs for the days before events have unfolded so here's another one for Day 7 just to stop his PMT taking shape and bursting forth from his secret vagina.

Work sucks. I still have no idea how to log these CVs and I don't understand the fancy schmancy financial job title jargon enough to make an educated guess where I should log CVs and what levels/areas I should place them in. It's scary to think that in a couple of weeks I'll have too train the next new person on this. I must schedule some last-minute cramming in the next day or two before my colleague disappears forever. Help!

I spent my evening at the play read-through and I'm unsure what to do and audition for. The director (and good friend) has a couple of people in mind to audition for the role I'm interested in and made not mention of WANTING me to audition, when he's blantently demand that others audition in front of me. I'm thinking of not pursuing an acting role in this production and take up a dancer role on the show. The next dilemma is deciding if a dancing role is worth giving up the opening night of Michael Jackson's concert run. I don't have a ticket for that night but you never know. I might get one, somewhere, somehow.

I'm so confused about everything right now. Is there anything I'm good at?

I'm so confused

BEDA Day Seven: It's Called Acting Dahling!

2009-04-07T00:00:00.003Z

And here is Tuesday's BEDA entry. My friend is going to be directing a play that will be performed in July and tonight is the pre-audition read-through. It's Shakespeare! How different. There is a chance that we will all go out for a drink afterwards and I'll get home and have to blog post-midnight again so this takes care of that possibility.

Shakespeare. Yikes! I don't have a clue if I can do it or not. This will be interesting.

BEDA Day Six: Overwhelming Feelings of Meh-ness

2009-04-06T23:49:00.005Z

I am a tired Mel. I screwed up my sleeping pattern yesterday so come night night I was too alert to nod off at a reasonable hour. Then I decided to wake myself up at 5am so I was only able to snooze until I had to get up for work. Speaking of work I am also worried that I have a lot to learn about this job and I am not going to be be able to pick it all up by Thursday when the woman I'm taking over from leaves. *gulp* I thought doing the expenses was bad, then I had to do invoicing. I thought that was bad then today I had to log CVs. One three different spreadsheets. And I need to have and infinte knowledge of banking positions and departments to know the correct places to log the CVs. Me no have a cloo!

Still, it's better than having no job and it's only temporary. Hopefully I all I get asked to do for the next six weeks is to write reference letters to allow employees to open a bank account. That I can do.

I'm still in a funny mood despite chatting to L.J. (online) and Conrado (over the phone) last night. Don't know what's wrong with me. Something needs to change.

(Some of you may notice that it's past 12am. Well I don't care. I haven't been to bed yet so it's still the same day for me. And look at the blog post time below. Anyway, I was off washing myself. Would you rather I stink?)

BEDA Day Five: Meh!

2009-04-05T20:39:00.000Z

I have eff all to blog about today.

BEDA Day Four: Recovery

2009-04-04T20:02:00.005Z

I rolled in at 4am last night. Went to bed at 5am, slept until 1:30pm woke up, surfed the net then fell back asleep. It's 9pm, I've just been to the shops to get food and coca-cola and now I'm ready to function properly.

I had a lot of fun at the birthday party last night although I probably should have gone home earlier. There was flirting, scandalous photos and most shocking of all, a SENSIBLE conversation with the birthday girl's brother. We also amused ourselves by stick glittery stars over our faces. Look how pretty they made me:

So I've done nothing today and I feel a bit crap & lazy about it. I went to the supermarket and bought pizza, Haribo and fizzy drinks and on the way back decided that I really MUST eat better and lose weight soon... but not tonight. I met up with my friend Jess earlier this week and we promised to take part in some runs, I'd like to say it has motivated me to exercise again but it hasn't. I will start running again... but not tonight.

Maybe I'll start tomorrow.

BEDA Day Three: Party!

2009-04-03T00:24:00.002Z

It's very late (early morning) but thought it best to blog now as I might not get the chance to blog later in the day. I shall be spending most of my life in New Job and then afterwards I have a friend's birthday celebrations in the evening and we shall probably party well into the night. Or until I have to leave to catch the last tube home.

I still feel a bit down. I have to stop dwelling on certain things and look ahead now. I'm also not happy that I have to wake up early. I start my job at 8:30am which is just plain wrong. I'm probably going to get 5 hours sleep maximum tonight. Maybe I can programme my brain to think that hours is a reasonable amount of sleeping time.

Guten nacht!

BEDA Day Two: Work & Progress

2009-04-02T20:36:00.005Z

I have a job... back at the previous place I worked, in another department (HR). It's for about six weeks but it's better than nothing. This will give me by me more time to look for a longer term job or *gasp* one I might even like! It also means I can go ahead a move if I find a place I like. So hurrah, something are in the process of working out.

I went to my theatre's company's show last night and have had mixed feelings on whether or not I had a good time. It was great to see some former cast members and catch up with people, I even had a guy encouraging me to try for professional acting jobs too. The downside of the night was being reminded the the part(s) I missed out on and how some people (friends included) doubt my abilities, even though they should know better.

There's nothing I can do now. In two days the show will have completed it's run and be consigned to theatre history. All I can do is take more classes, get better and get better parts. Now I am working again I can hopefully start taking singing lessons again so I'm excited about that. Hurrah. Mel For The X-Factor 2009 Win!

BEDA Day One: The Beginning

2009-04-01T00:07:00.002Z

Conceived by Maureen Johnson and brought to my attention by Citz I will attempt to participate in "Blog Every Day April". It's higly unlikey I'll manage to blog every day this month but I can always try.

So, it's very early in the morning (12:30am) and not much to report about the day and we're only half an hour into it. I assume that I'll spend the day doing nothing execpt jobhunt on the internet and watching rubbish daytime TV. My evening looks to be a bit better. I'll be going to see a musical put on by my theatre company. This is the musical that I was offered a rubbish, made-up part in but I'm not petty and I shall support their production even though they have overlooked my loyalty and performing abilities. Plus, it is also the birthday of a friend who will be working on the bar at tonight's performance so a group of us will be there to sing Happy Birthday to her no doubt.

Hurrah! Something to do.

I'm So Alone!

2009-03-30T22:22:00.000Z

This is a blog purely to make Jordan feel better about his life.

I have no job, have been looking for aaaaaages but no luck (although I do have an interview for a short-term role tomorrow)
I have no money
I life in a cold, ugly flat with scary, violent neighbours and close to a guy who follows me
I'm chubby
I have a scarred left eye and can't see out of it and will need to have a cornea transplant to fix it and when I think about it I realise how scary it's going to be.

Gahhhhh!!!!!

Wrecked!

2009-03-29T19:13:00.000Z

The weekend is almost over and it heasn't even resgister with me yet. I suppose it's a side-effect of being out of work, every day's the same and weekends don't have the same effect as they doing when doing a 9-5 Monday to Friday.

I went to a friend's funeral on Friday morning and it was incredibly moving. I blubbed lots like the over-emotional empath that I am and just as I had composed myself "Will You Be There" came on as the coffin was being carried out of the church, which set me off again. Sometimes I really need to get a grip. We then attended the burial and the reception afterwards. The rest of the day was spent in a Costa Coffee stretching one drink each over four hours. How poor, starving artist of us (except we're not!).

Saturday was spent sleeping until I managed to drag myself out of the sleeping bag in front of the TV and trek over to a friend's house for dinner and a DVD. I then made the mistake of staying too late and having to make my way home at midnight when my tube line was suspended and trains had stopped for the day. It took a good 2.5 hours. Sometimes I hate London, why is transport so pathethic on a Saturday night? Sort it out!

As for today, I'm still in my dressing gown. I haven't gone outside. I've slept loads, watched TV. I really want chocolate but can't be bothered making walking to the shop on the main road. I have felt wrecked this weekend, probably not helped by having 3 hours sleep on Thursday night followed by an emotional day. And eating crap too. I watched footage on the news earlier about a half-marathon that took place today and it reminded me how I need to sort myself out and start running again.

Now I have a choice to make. Should I eat or should I snooze again?

Venturing Out

2009-03-26T11:26:00.000Z

It looks wet and cold and sounds windy outside. Not nice but I have to go out in that later. I've been put forward for a short contract at my previous company so the consultant needs me to come in a properly register with his agency. I hate registering with job agencies. They have my CV with everything they need to know about me on it, but when I arrive I still have to complete all these forms asking me for the same information that I've supplied on my CV. So boring and I get hand cramp from trying to write it all out quickly when I've done it sooo many times before. There must be an easier way of registering.

However I will be glad of the excuse to get out of the flat and out of my local area and mix with people. I've done nothing and seen no one these past couple of days and it's slowly doing my head in. Later I'll be attending a "Speed Flatmating" event with a girl we went to the theatre with on Saturday and has recently moved to London. Not sure if there'll be too many whole (2 bed) flats on offer there tonight but it can't hurt to look. I definitley need to find a place that's located near a tube line. I'm tired of trekking in and out to my flat and sometimes it's easier just to stay in and be a loner than to make the effort to get out.

No Change

2009-03-24T13:14:00.000Z

Nothing's changed in this past week. I'm still jobless, still looking, nothing to report and I'm so bored. I can't find anything else to blog about at the moment. There's no auditions either. I did go to the theatre on Saturday night as I got cheap tickets for Spring Awakening and rather enjoyed that. That was a fun night out as we bumped into other internet friends in the theatre bar (the cheap ticket offer was posted on the forum we all use) and after the show we trekked to Soho so say Happy Birthday to another internet forum acquaintance. We ended up in a bar which had almost naked men dancing in the windows and on the bar so that was quite fun to look at. Unfortunately the bar was about hte size of a matchbox and quite expensive so we gave up struggling to breathe or find a place to stand so left as soon as we spoke to the birthday boy.

That's probably been the highlight/most excitement I've had in these past few weeks. Apart from all the MJ palavar and tv & radio interviews. Looking forward to getting work, finding a new place to live and getting back to my manic, busy life. It can't come soon enough.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T12:59:00.000Z

I can't let this day pass without sounding somewhat patriotic. So here it is: Hooray! Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone.

In other news, I still have no new job and I'm so bored. I'm bored of pressing F5 on my email browser and hoping for ray of light to appear in my inbox offering something interesting and lifechanging. Come on, joke's over. Employ me now.

Nada!

2009-03-15T13:35:00.000Z

I still have no job and I have no MJ tickets. Well, I kinda have one after a friend bought some priced-up ones on ebay for us without speaking to me first. So I'm going to see one concert (faraway, from the upper tiers "up in the Gods" seats) so that something. Even if I do have to pay £100 more than the asking price. I really don't have the energy to rant properly about the whole ticket buying process, I just wonder how the hell so many MJ fans have missed out on tickets while so many touts are selling them at obscene prices on eBay. This is a hot topic as I was even interviewed on radio again about this. So at the moment I have one over-priced upper tier ticket but shall be wathcing the ticket sites very closely in the run up to the concerts in case some more are release. In the meantime I will get a job or tow somehow and work lots and save lots so I'm ready to pay up when good seats become available.

And that sums up the week I've had. Not much else to say.

Radio Mel-Mel

2009-03-09T00:20:00.000Z

I'm so tired right now and need my bed soon. It's been an active and crazy couple of days and I need a good sleep to feel better. Mj has now left town so things might calm down until the concert tickets go on sale on Wednesday/Friday. I need to hope & pray that me and/or my friends get a pre-sale ticket code soon.

I stayed in Friday daytime making up for the tiring and hugry day before then went out in the evening to go to the cinema with Ellie. Afterwards we decided to walk to Covent Garden as we heard tha Michael was watching "Oliver" that night. We didn't stay too long as we weren't prepared to wait 2.5 hours for the show to finish and for Michael to reappear. I did however use this time to schedule another interview, this time for LBC radio for the following day.

On Saturday we paid another trip to the cinema (to see The Young Victoria - very nice!) before dashing home to await a phonecall from the radio station to put me on air. I knew this might be a tougher interview than the BBC one as the presenter had made it clear to me that he didn't rate post-8o's MJ that much, so I boned up on facts and figures to support my points beforehand. It's wasn't too bad actually. Yes the presenter made some negative comments but he wasn't nasty about it and gave me time to get my points across and agreed with some things I said. Apparently the people in the studio seemed impressed with what I said and one woman on their team saying that I should become MJ's spokesperson. Ummm.. yes please!

I spent Saturday evening doing something non-Mj related: playing this game at a friend's house. Which was a lot of fun. We carried on into the wee hours and I ended up snoozing on a friend's sofa until I had to leave in the morning to go home, change and go straight again to have lunch with a friend. Phew!

I'm feeling a bit better about myself and my abilities after the last few day. My friends have been very supportive of my interviews and given me praise where due. I have no pretty way of wrapping up this blog entry as I really need to log off and sleep so I'l just say goodnight now.

I need all the luck in the world for getting a ticket this week!

The Fan Continued: Michael Jackson Live In Concert

2009-03-05T23:47:00.000Z

I am so tired and need to sleep soon but I must talk about my day while it is all fresh in my memory and relevant.

After the quickest bath in history and sacrafising six of my precious pounds on a taxi (buses don't move fast enough for me) I arrived at the O2 and began the long wait with friends for Michael Jackson's press conference. We waited, and waited, talked shite for hours and got interviewed briefly by a local radio station. A moment I am quite proud of. After spend an hour or two moaning baout being bored of waiting and how I hate MJ and his fans, when the reporter asked me how excited I was at today's events I gave an oscar-worthy performance and responded that I was "...extremely excited. We just can't wait to see Michael Jackson and here his news!". I even got praised on my "perfomance" by another fan in the crowd.

We waited some more, got moved to another section of the foyer which was closer to the stage that MJ would eventually appear on, and waited some more. Finally, over an hour late, TV's Dermot O'Leary came on stage to anounce Michael's arrival completed with a jazzy compilation video:

Then Michael Jackson came onstage to defending noise and hysteria and when the audience eventually calmed down he delivered a short speech on his summer concerts (see below) and how they would be his last and he'll see us in July. And then he was off!

Thinking that was all the fun (if you can call standing for 6 hours with a pulled hamstring and backache and having not eaten at all today fun) I met up with my friends and was making plans for the evening when I was called by the BBC and invited to come to their studio to speak on the topic of MJ's concert. After encouragement from friends, me and another friend were in a laid-on car and on our way to the TV studio. The whole thing happened quite quickly. We were ushered into the green room then immediately into the TV studio and as soon as some VT was playing we were quickly shown our seats beside the newsreaders and mic-ed up. The interview wasn't as scary as I thought it would be and we didn't get too hard a time from the news readers.

Then it was over and we were shown out and put in a car to take us home. And that was the end of today's adventures. A couple of people recorded our interview so hopefully I should be able to upload it soon. Watch this space - the start of my TV career? :-p

The Fan Is Back

2009-03-04T22:45:00.000Z

Putting the job and auditions progress to one side the other hot topic has to be... the big Michael Jackson press conference at the O2 tomorrow and what it will bring. Most likely to announce his run of concerts at that venue over the summer. Of course I will be there, I'm out of work so I should take advantage. The timing sucks (no job, no money for tickets) but in a way it doesn't.

(30 mins later)

Just off the phone to Citz where we having been getting stupidly giddy about tomorrow's events. Can't believe we're all getting in my loony fan mode again. I'm sure we swore we'd never be like this again.

Until tomorrow... Eeeeeeee!!!

The End!

2009-02-27T11:10:00.000Z

... of my current job today. Maybe the end of an era. I don't have another job lined up just yet and although it's not the ideal situation, I'm trying not to worry to much but stay positive and keep applying and be on the look out for more opportunities. Maybe I'll end up back in the financial sector again in a job that stimulates little but pays reasonable or maybe I'll find something a little more creative this time and have a break from the norm. Come Monday I'll be part of one job agency's "Breafast Temps" group and sitting in their office getting fed, trained and waiting for a phonecall from a company who desperately needs a temp to start work asap. It will mean missing out on such brilliant breakfast TV such as the Jeremy Kyle show (hmmmm) but it has to be done. Can't rot in my flat waiting for the jobs to come to me.

Before all that however, there's the weekend which is shaping up to be a busy one. I've got an audition tonight (dance), an extras casting tomorrow morning/afternoon followed by another audition (musical #1). On Sunday I have an audition for another musical (#2) and possible a callback in the afternoon if I performed well enough on Saturday in musical #1's audition. Fingers crossed something good comes out of all this. With the job ending, crazy neighbours, not being sucessful in other auditions etc. I think it's time something went my way. I have to make it happen!

Letter That Your Name Begins With Questionaire

2009-02-24T11:29:00.000Z

Sorry there's not a catchier name for this. I saw it on Facebook ages ago and had it saved, unfinished, as a draft so am finally posting it here:

1. What is your name: Imelda
2. A four-letter word: Iris
3. A boy's name: Ian
4. A girl's name: Imogen
5. An occupation: Illustrator
6. A color: Indigo
7. Something you wear: Ice Hockey gear
8. A beverage: Iced Tea
9. A food: Iced Buns
10. Something found in the bathroom: Ingrown hairs?
11. A place: Iceland
12. A reason for being late: I was stuck in traffic.
13. Something you shout: Idiot!

This Way Up î

2009-02-24T11:01:00.000Z

With everything being up in the air at the minute (job, accommodation etc) I'm finding it hard to focus on any specific points and write them down. My mood changes hour to hour, day to day. I can start the day off positive and come midday I'm writing emails of despair and frustration and stress to my friends. Or vice-versa. At the moment I'm feeling good but expect that to change, and then change back again.

There's no word yet of a new job to start once my current job ends (on Friday) but I'm trying to not stress out too much about that. I have crazy neighbours that fight with eah other and threaten to commit suicide on my doorstep, yet another sign that I should move. I also went to another audition and despite getting a callback I eventually did not get the part. C'est la vie! I must remain positive despite everything.

I've found a couple of new projects I want to get involved in. Two of them are dance troupes which I will audition for in the upcoming weeks and the third is dance-related too. My friend is throwing a danceathon fundraising event in a couple of weeks and naturally I will be taking part, from helping with the organisation to dancing for hours on end on the night. It's going to be a fun, tiring and interesting evening. I'm hoping that by the time this takes place I will be settled in a new job, new place, ready to get stuck into another rehearsal process and feeling a lot more focused.

Blah!

2009-02-15T23:34:00.000Z

Going through an interesting time at the moment in my life. The kind where you continually fail auditions and learn that your job contract will not be renewed at the end of the month.

Despite this I'm going to be positive. I spent too much time stressed out last year and it just made me sick.

Not Sunday

2009-02-11T11:59:00.000Z

The post below should be dated today. I edited a draft blog I wrote on Sunday.

Saying No

2009-02-08T23:44:00.000Z

Yesterday I called the director of You're A Good Man Charlie Brown , the show I was recently given a small part in, and told him that I would be dropping out. My friends will know that this has been a big issue and something I've talked about non-stop this past week. As I said previously I was cast in a "supporting role" which means that as there are only 6 characters in the show, the director decided to make up some roles which would involved us standing around at the back of the stage and uttering the odd word here and there. Or petting Snoopy at one point.

I accepted the role because a couple of friends cast in the same parts wanted me to do it but after the first rehearsal it was clear that I was going to be wasted in a support role. I spent that evening shaking with anger as it became clear just how much I was fobbed off with this role and it clearly would not be worth my time playing it. In terms of talent there was clearly no difference between me and the lead female (except she has an authentic American accent and I "only" have a really good fake American accent) so I am left very confused at what the deciding factor was. The director himself knows (or should know) from his own personal experience that I am a loyal (to the show and the company), dependable and GOOD performer with energy & charisma on stage. That's the collective opinion of a group of people who had seen & worked with me so I do not have an over-inflated opinion of myself.

For the first time ever I STRONGLY had a lot of faith in myself and was confident I could carry off a lead role and excel at it. I'm extremely frustrated that people who should know me don't have the same faith in me. However I refuse to let that shoot down the little confidence I have built up in me. I've paid my dues to this company over the years and it hasn't paid off. I seems I will always be typecast in the small, support roles that no one else wants to do. I am now determined to move on from this and progress. I even went to an emergency audition for a role in another production (their lead female performer has gone awol) last night. I was a bit nervous which did affect some of my singing but pulled it together for the big crescendo, the harmonies and the acting part so although not 100% perfect, definitely not bad either. Worthy of a lead in YAGMCB for sure. Still waiting for the outcome of that audition and while it would be fantastic to get the part, it is a huge & demanding role so I understand if I didn't quite make the grade this time.

Final note: My friends have been amazing to me throughout all this. I hope I can show them the same support in their career/personal goals as they have shown me.

White Outside, Black Inside

2009-02-05T12:08:00.000Z

I haven't been feeling myself all week and I'm getting very frustrated by it. I'm lacking energy and motivation. Gone it the positivity & optimisim I had at the start of the year and replaced by a big black cloud.

I had a weekend of let-downs and things not going to plan. I didn't get the part I wanted in the I auditioned for last week and have been feeling quite irritated since I learned of the outcome. I've agreed to participate in the show in a smaller role but the excitment about the show in general has gone. (I also auditioned for a small show on Sunday but haven't heard anything from the director so I assume I was not successful with that one too).

I've also spent the past couple of days wondering why I'm wasting my life and why nothing's changed and worrying that nothing will. I continue to fret about money, work etc. and my time just drains away and another year has passed and I'm stll no closer to getting what I want. Last night I had to remind myself that my original and biggest ambition was to sing. Even though I agressively pursued a major singing role in this recent show, singing itself (and writing to an extent) seems to have got lost among stressing, health problems, finding a new place to live, trying to get out of the red etc. Where did I go to?

I'm hoping this weekend will make up for this week. I'm being a total social butterfly and having wine* and a gossip at a friend's new flat, cinema with girls on Saturday and a dinner party on Sunday. I've also got to try to fit in a couple of flatviewings in too, so it's looking busy.
(*= yes, I don't drink wine but I will have the non-alcoholic equivilant)

Hopefully things will look up soon. This could be the long, dark winter finally taking effect, the disruption of normal life due to the freak snowstorms we've had plus I'm also waiting to hear word about my job contract this month. Fingers crossed we all get it renewed this month!

White Stuff!

2009-02-02T09:56:00.000Z

I didn't make it to work this morning due to the snow. After discovering that there were/are no buses at all I decided to trek out to the train station. No trains. So then I decided to trek further on to the tube station. Tube station closed and lines suspended. I turned around and I'm now back home trying to heat up my ice-box flat and torn between taking a full day off or making some effort to try to get in for the afternoon and show my manager that I made some effort today. Which I already have I think. I walked a lot today already which is not easy when more than ankle-deep in snowed and fell on my arse a couple of times.

I lack proper food in my flat so I may be driven to go outside and wade through the snow to the nearest corner shop. All I want to do right now is have a snooze. In my coat, scarf & boots. I'm still wearing then as it's not warm enough to go without them.

Another Pic From Set

2009-02-02T00:07:00.000Z

Going over the dance routine with our choreographer:

The Glamorous Life

2009-01-27T22:06:00.000Z

Last week I received a call from my old piano teacher asking if I was "free to dance on Sunday". He'd been contacted by some people he met at a party a year ago and asked if he new any dancers who would be free on Sunday to do a video shoot for a scene in their bollywood film. He must have remembered that I told him about doing theatre and musicals when I was taking lessons with him and asked if I'd take part.

So I was thrown in at the deep end and had two rehearsals with the other dancers to learn the routine and during the rehearsals new bits would be added and learnt. It wasn't as daunting as I thought it would be and the professional and/or in-training dancers were friendly and helpful. On the day we got to Reading at 10am and then realised what a shambles we were getting involved in. The director and his crew were two hours late and he was giving no direction leaving it up to our choreographer to deal with the dance troupe and the extras, and my piano teacher more of less directing the whole shoot throughout the day... despite originally being asked to only find some dancers.

The actual filming itself was a lot of fun (and I burned some serious cals, always a plus!) and I'm glad of the experience but it was a long day, badly organized and come 9:30pm, having been on our feet in HEELS for the past 10 hours, our diva sides came out we gave the director 3 more minutes of out time and then promptly left to trek back to London. To be fair we had been their longer and worked harder than anyone else and I'm including some of the techy/camera guys who called up to help out just like us dancers.

The extras on set, looking bored and waiting around... a lot!

Us being filmed in mid-dance routine. I'm second from right.

It's Tuesday now and I'm completely knackered as between work, rehearsals and filming I've also been having a social life and getting to bed late with early rises. I spent Friday in the a charming, cosy little flat with lots of friends of a friend eating food and having big girlie chats and drawing up a list of all the qualities we want in a man. On Saturday I saw New Kids on The Block in concert. I was extremely impressed by the show as there was such a great atmosphere, certainly one of the most enjoyable concerts I've been too. One of the best bits was Donnie Wahlberg picking a 5 year old girl out of the audience to dance with and she was not impressed. She looked quite disgusted or maybe terrified of what was going on.

I'm looking forward getting a few more hours of sleep come Saturday but even then I have two auditions to prepare for and attend (one on Saturday, one on Sunday) and another rehearsal later this week for a musical. So no rest for the wicked, however as busy as I am I feel this is the way my life should be heading right now.

Reminder

2009-01-26T01:19:00.000Z

Soooooo tired right now. Must remember to blog about the weekend and what I got up too.

I Am...

2009-01-21T22:48:00.000Z

I am... Mel from Ireland, currently living in London. Creative type who has to work as an office monkey to survive.

I hurt... in the legs slightly from yoga (and bellydance) class. Has been a while since I last properly exercised.

I love... a little and could love a whole lot more if I had the chance. Ahhhhhh....

I hate... my jobs, things taking longer than expected to acomplish.

I fear... I actually try not to thing about the things I could possibly fear right now.

I hope... I get the job I applied for yesterday, find a nice place to live, that if/when I have eye surgery it goes well and I recover quickly

I regret... letting things build up, not taking better care of myself.

I cry... at soaps on TV. It's easy to set off my tears.

I care... too much about what people think and say about me. Even when I shouldn't

I always...

I feel alone... when I'm tired, bored, sleepy, hungry or need a good stretch. And I MUST wail "I'm so aloooooone" overdramatically when feeling these things.

I listen... to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" at the moment. Makes we want to put on a black leotard and dance around a white room for a bit.

I hide.... how bad things are at times.

I drive.... myself crazy sometimes.

I sing.... the Lloyds TSB advert well.

I write... crap blogs. I know I do. I need to work on that. I'm sorry.

I breathe... but only because I have too.

I miss.... feeling how I did in late 2002 and being the age I was then.

I search... for new jobs, new places to live, new classes & courses to take, auditions etc. I love the internet.

I learn....

I feel...

I know....

I say... well, SPEAK an awful lot of rubbish. Especially when I come off the coca-cola wagon (as I did last night and slag off my friends (to their faces) and tell my friend's girlfriend that I hate her. I don't, it's just my warped sense of humour and I made sure she new that. She's nice actually and I've known her for the same amount of time my friend has.

I crave.... progression. Sorting out my job & living arrangements so I'm free to enjoy things and get on with all my plans and goals.

I succeed...

I fail... at many things.

I dream... about becoming a cool, confident and positive person making great progress in her work and personal life.

I wonder.... U (Prince song)

I want... cool clothes from Fat Face and the likes, to speak Spanish & Portuguese fluently, a better singing voice, someone to have a crush on.

I worry... about a lot of things but am trying to worry less. Worry = Stress = Tiredness & Illness

I wish... I knew the things I know now back then. Would have made life so much easier.

I have... a fun and interesting collection of friends who are always great to be around.

I give... good head. (LOL, was too easy to write that one in there)

I fight.... with my little sister. I try not too. I try to get along wth her from my mum's sake but she keeps picking away at me determined to start something and won't stop until I've exploded at her.

I wait.... too long for people and then I miss out on other opportunities.

I need... money, sex and a new cornea.

The President Obama Blog

2009-01-21T17:11:00.000Z

I'm a day late but are you surprised? It's quite amazing and touching seeing the world's reaction to this event (the inaugauration) and it's a shame I've been too busy to take it all in properly. I need to YouTube some vids of his speech and swearing in etc.

Right now I'm concentrating lots of moving out. I've made a start sorting through some of the rubbish in the flat and I'm looking a new places to live. I was very inspired after staying over at a friends place and liking her set-up so hopefully I can find something similiar. Once I've moved and settled I can begin to focus on other things, mainly having a social life, dating (no one in particular at the moment) and honing my, currently unimpressive, singing skills.

I finally made it back to Bikram yoga. which was tough, but worth it. I've cut down on the amount of crap I usually eat this week and while staying at my friend's house I discovered a tasty, healthy muesli that even *I* can easily make. I'm hoping that incorporating small changes to my routine will all mount up and benefit me in the long run. I'm determined to get healthy this year. No more colds, flu and hospital stays.

Making A Start

2009-01-15T21:26:00.000Z

I got a haircut. Nothing drastic but it needed a trim and I had some layers put into it too. I'm happy with it. The photo about doesn't really show much but that's all you're getting. A few strands of hair and my big ol' Michael Jackson hands.

So that's one thing on the To Do list striked off. Hopefully this weekend I'll manage to wash the costumes I borrowed for my last show (even though I don't have a washing machine) and that's another one sorted. I still haven't made a start on clearing out my flat. That's such a big job, I'm a complusive hoarder and I have so much cluttering up the place. Stuff I can't take with me when I move on. Maybe I'll tackle all the bags of clothes that I never use first.... and all the magazines, oh god!

Tomorrow I return to Bikram Yoga. I'm hoping it will help me get back to being fit and healthy. I have all the best intentions but sometimes never put them into practise. I have a 10K run in 4 weeks to prepare for not forgetting my sister's wedding later this year which I have to look gorge for. Time to get off my arse and get moving!

Edit: Grrrr.... my paragraphs aren't paragraphing themselves for some reason.

Australia (The Film)

2009-01-14T15:51:00.000Z

I want it to rain and I was to stand in it while smooching a hunky man.

(In brief: I rather enjoyed this film. Thought it started off a bit silly but soon settled down and was pretty and endearing film. Some exciting scenes too.)

Funstuffs

2009-01-11T01:00:00.001Z

What does one do for fun when money is short? Go into various clothes shops, with a good friend, during the January sales and take the piss out of all the hideous clothing and jewellery that we're expected to buy. Be loud. Lack of discreetion is part of the fun. How I wish I'd taken a photo of the hideous, tacky and plastic jewellery in one shop. Also walk down a busy street and proclaim loudly "How does a mermaid take a poo?" for all to hear. Unfortunately no one on Oxford Street could answer my question.

And that was my Saturday evening. I also saw this which was brill. I love my friends. They are a bunch of fruitloops like me. I have L.J. on email getting me through the work week with her cut-throat one-liners and insults and Ellie at weekends who always laughs at my randomness because she knows the obscure Michael Jackson fan/Saturday Night Live reference behind it. I finding everyone's company pleasurable at the moment. Maybe we're all trying harder because it's January and therefore a depressing time for most so we're putting our best face forward.

Tomorrow, after attending a playreading, I will be dining with another great friend and catching-up lots with her. I expect to draw up another plan to take over the world with as what usually happens when the two of us meet up and are both in good moods. I'm really hoping this enthusiasm for "Life in 2009" lasts throughout this year. I expect it to wear off once we have all fully settled back into life after the holiday season and realised that very little has changed. Maybe I should blog about it as much as possible now to read back on once I think life is being less than spectactular. I need hope this year and lots of it.

Resolutions, Plans & A Different Way Of Looking At Things

2009-01-06T14:29:00.000Z

I'm still deciding on resolutions. They change from hour-to-hour or I find more I want to do. I need to mentally sort sort what are resolutions and what are actions that need to belong on a "To Do" list instead. The three main action points as as follows:

Sort Out Finances: Pay back money I owe friends and settle bills, get my credit card balance down and start to save again. Yes, I said on this blog many times about sorting out my money but I'm making changes to my circumstances so hopefully I can make a bit of progress on this one now.

Improve Body & Health: Eat more healthily, cut down on sugar, start exercising again, stress less. Since I finished the marathon in April I haven't been looking after myself and have been constantly sick. I'm pretty sure the eye infection wouldn't have been so severe if I hadn't spent the weeks before it barely eating and working myself into the ground. Time to get back to Bikram yoga, dance and running. I've signed up for a 10K run on February 14th which will force to me go out running again instead of just talking about it.

Performing & Confidence: Sing more this year and in public. Be more confident in my performing abilities. I will not let my lack of formal training make me feel that I can't take myself, or any opportunity that may present itself, seriously.

That's about it for now.

There are many small "resolutions" that pop into my head but they more or less fall under the three points above.

I also have the following "activities" that I want/shall do this year:

Make jewellery
Have a colonic
Go to Stonehenge with L.J. for the Summer Solstice
Get a piercing

and just for fun...

Get a naff bit-part in a TV drama such as Junkie #5, Prostitute #3 etc.

While I'm contemplating the year ahead I'd like to reflect on 2008 from another point of view. I received and email from a friend earlier mentioning my acomplishments last year which has made me think that perhaps it wasn't such a dismal year after all. Yes, there may have been a cloud of gloom of some sort hanging over me all the time but I have to appreciate that last year I completed a marathon, performed in 5 shows, did stage management, got to work and experience the Edinburgh Fringe Festival all while I continued to make new friends and contacts and had a lot of fun with the friends I already had. Hurrah!

Here At Last

2009-01-02T16:18:00.000Z

I spent my New Year's Eve in true rock 'n' roll style. I had a friend come over to the flat, I curled up in a sleeping bag, snoozing, sipping on a mug of coke (I only have one glass left and that's for guests!) and watching comedy show after panel show after End-Of-Year list shows until the firworks outside told me it was 12am. I was warm and I didn't have to brave the crowds, idiots and transport of London this time. (I'll party when it's warmer and when I feel better, alright?!!!)

So 2009 is finally here. Hopefully it will be a year of good suprises not bad ones. Despite the economic woes, global warming, ill-bred little fuckfaces and many other negative things I shall remain positive this year and do many weird and wonderful things. And I shall hold on to the remaining 4.5 senses I have left.

Yes, I'm full of the "New Year, New Start" cheer despite spending this morning feeling quite stressed as I had been told the Operations Manager was looking to speak to me and I feared the worst as I had just learned that a member of our team had been fired/let go this morning. However when I bumped into her later in the hallway, she had nothing more to say to me than "Happy New Year". (We think she just wanted to make sure everyone in the team actually bothered to come in to work today). So that drama over I now look forward to the weekend and the chance to start to put plans into practise.

As usual I've made about 50 New Year's resolutions so I'm going to need some time to trim the fat and decide upon a small group of something attainable. I'll report back shortly on that...

Made It Back

2008-12-30T23:26:00.000Z

Rolled into the coach station at 6:15 this morning. Dropped my bags off at the flat then went straight onto work so getting through today was bloody hard work. I was helped by a caramel machiatto in the morning and a late lunch/shopping trip/hot chocolate and catch-up with a friend who works nearby.

I'm completely dazed at the moment so have no idea is this makes any sense. I've been dozing all evening and got nothing done so I think I should just go to sleep now and wake up earlier than usual to wash & tidy flat. I wouldn't bother with the flat but my New Year's Even plans involved going to the cinema with a friend and then back to mine to watch DVDs/surf the net probably. It's going to be too cold to go out tomorrow night so why not ring in the New Year in comfort and cosy dressing-gown style.

Sick Again!

2008-12-29T01:10:00.000Z

After a restless night of sleep I finally got up and made friends with the toilet bowl. I had a couple of hours sleep then got up to change my bus ticket back to London then went back to bed and that's where I stayed until 6:30 this evening. And I'm still exhausted. And annoyed that I'm ill once again. Just as the nasty cough was beginning to subside I now have what feels like a tummy bug. Gah! When I'm back in London I will definitely get back to the yoga and running. I also need to eat better too. Once I'm feeling better I can begin to put the "Change Life In 2009 - Positivity & Zen!" plan into action.

I have to call in sick to work tomorrow morning. I hate doing that.

2008 Survey (Almost completed)

2008-12-25T23:23:00.000Z

Taken from Citz. It's only half completed because I don't have enough brain energy to think to hard about some of the questions. Check back for more.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I ran/walked the London Marathon and completed it.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember what they were but one was probably to lose weight. Which I did and put on, and lost again etc.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister did so I'm an auntie now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No one close.

5. What countries/cities did you visit?
Dublin for the Prince concert that never was and Edinburgh to work at the Fringe Festival.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Money. Loads more fun. More travel.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 13th for the marathon, August 23rd for being admitted to hospital. July 3rd for my neice being born. Oooooh, all 3's.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing the marathon.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Getting ill.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yup. Half a dozen bouts of cold, flu and/or cough. Oh and the bacterial ulcer on my cornea. Sucky year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My friends being there for me after all my marathon/work/eyes dramas.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My friend's soon to be ex-wife spreading rumours and making life difficult for the both of them when it wasn't necessary.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't have a clue. I did get much this year to actually spend on things anyway.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Dalliances with boys. Doing my shows.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you…

i. happier or sadder?
Sadder

ii. thinner or fatter?
About the same

iii. richer or poorer?
Poorer. Definitely poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressed less .

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I'm spending it now. Back home, with the family. As usual.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
Haven't a clue. No plans yet.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope.

23. How many one night stands?
Kinda had one but we didn't go all the way so that probably doesn't count.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
X-Factor, Harry Hill's TV Burp, Doctor Who

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. I hate not.

26. What was the best book you read?
I think it was this year. The Color Purple by Alice Walker. Haven't been able to do too much reading since August because it's too much effort for my good eye.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The song "Good Love" by Prince.

28. What did you want and get?

29. What did you want and not get?

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I don't think I had a favourite I enjoyed Sex & The City - The Movie, Madagascar 2 and The Secret Life of Bees.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26. It was my third day up in Edinburgh and the cast & crew of our show all sang Happy Birthday to me in them middle of the theatre bar... and everyone turned to look.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not getting hospitalised and ending up with a scar over my cornea screwing up my vision. And the usual. Money. Stimulating job.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Nothing special.

34. What kept you sane?
I honestly don't know. Maybe the hope that things might/will get better.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Probably the US election

37. Who did you miss?

38. Who was the best new person you met?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
I should have appreciated my sight more.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

41. Was 2008 a good year for you?
It had it's good moments but I'd say the bad moments void all those.

42. What were your favourite moments of the year?
Meeting my week old neice and also seeing her become a much more interesting 5 month old. Staying up to 4am watching the Olympics while in Edinburgh. The first night we all moved into decent accommodation (a great big house) and most of the cast & crew ended up in in my room, all drunk and talking shite and laughing lots.

43. What was your least favourite moment of the year?
Being hospitalised. The awful pain in my eye. The discovery of the scar once the infection cleared. Some recurring eye problems.

44. What was your favourite month of 2008?
August 1st - 21st. We saw "Wicked" again, I had my birthday dinner in London then went to Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival and had a crazy time.

45. What was your favourite song from 2008?

46. What was your favourite record from 2008?

47. How many concerts did you see in 2008?
Alicia Keys (2), Stevie Wonder. Roachford.

48. Did you have a favourite concert in 2008?
Stevie was good. A living legend etc. Roachford was good too. A small venue so we had a great view.

49. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
A lot for me actually. The odd half-glass of champagne and a couple of vodka-alcopops in Edinburgh

50. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
No.

51. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
No.

52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
Don't know. If they lied, I haven't found out yet.

53. Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?
Don't think I did. I hope I didn't. I was probably ruder than necessary than I had to be to a call centre person. And I did gossip and bitch a bit at times.

54. Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?
Could have been less of a jerk but meh.

55. How much money did you spend in 2008?
I spent a bit at the start of the year on marathon/running gear but not much from April onwards.

56. What was your proudest moment of 2008?
Completing the marathon, getting through the worst of my eye problems.

57. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be? I would have taken better care of my health and contact lenses in August so I wouldn't have got ill and fucked up my eye. I'd also have started looking for a new job contract before the marathon instead of afterwards.

58. What are your plans for 2009?

Move out of flat and into flat/houseshare
Sort out finances
Do more acting/performing stuff
Buy more Fat Face stuff.
Run the half-marathon in March
Be bridesmaid at sister's wedding.
Get my eye fixed. Either it heals up by itself or I have a graft. Time will tell.

Home For Christmas

2008-12-20T13:48:00.000Z

I'm still being stalked by a nasty, rattling cough but beginning to feel better elsewhere which is good. I'm leaving soon for the 11 hour bus journey to Scotland (then getting the ferry across the Irish Sea) so this is it until I come back next weekend. could update at home when there's a quiet moment but that's rare with my huge, crazy family.

Ahhhh... food, sleep and more food. Despite the crazies at home, I can't wait to get back for this.

Dressing Room

2008-12-18T23:22:00.000Z

(Click To Enlarge)

I think I look cute! ;-)

Out Of It

2008-12-17T12:02:00.000Z

I've been really ill since Saturday and have barely ate anything since then. Went to bed at 2am hoping to sleep off a bit of tension that had set in my forehead but woke to an awful headache which made me feel sick everything I moved. I was feeling a bit better last night but after a nice of extreme dreaming and crazy sleep, I now feel quite peculiar. Part of me feels like how I did when I was on the co-codemol during my hospital stay. Drowsy is probably the best word for it. I'm physically & mentally drowsy.

Despite feeling awful on Saturday I still had one more show to do and I managed to pull myself together for that with the help of a toasted muffin and cup of tea at the venue. However as soon as I spoke my first line my voice began to go. As the play progressed I got hoarser and hoarser and I spent the aftershow party asleep on the sofa. Sunday and Monday was split between lying down and/or sleeping and not much else.

Hopefully tonight I'll have enough energy to give the flat a tidy, wash some clothes ( and myself) and begin to pack. I'm going back home (via bus) this weekend to spend Xmas with the family. Haven't decided on a date yet but it'll probably be a Saturday. Hopefully the lunatics back home will control themselves for a little while so I can get a proper rest. Will be good to see my neice again. I saw her last when she was two months old, she's five months old now and is probably completely different!

PS: Got word back from the woman about the Marathon places. I wasn't elligible for one as the places were only allocated for people at her company. Probably for the best, to ill to begin training now. Might go for the half-marathon in March instead.

London Marathon 2009?

2008-12-11T12:38:00.001Z

Oh... there may be an opportunity for me to run in the London Marathon in April 2009. Waiting to find out if I am eligible for a place. Then I have to decide if I want to commit to it. I have to give this a lot of thought. I've got all that training to fit into my life somehow, plus I haven't ran or exercised much in recent months due to all my health/eye issues so would need to start from scratch again. So lots to take into consideration.

Time will tell....

Back To Work!

2008-12-11T12:22:00.000Z

The performing kind, not the office kind. After a much needed and deserved 3 evenings off, we were back at the theatre yesterday for the second run of our play. As the shows at our theatre only run for 4 or 5 days over one week, it felt so odd to be walking back in to prepare for another run of shows when we knew we'd already completed a run. I think I even said at one point "Oh, I can't be bothered doing this again" and a couple of people agreed with me but that all changed when the show began and we got back into the ol' routine and thrill of entertaining an audience. I'm now looking forward to tonight's show and not just because I want to leave (office) work.

We also had a great audience last night who joined in with the "panto" elements of the show and some of my lines got good laughs from them. I think this week will be fun. We had a couple of diffult nights last week when we had a small audience in, which changes the atmosphere, but tickets sales are looking quick healthy for the rest of the nights so hopefully we'll have more shows and audiences like yesterday.

It will be sad when the show finally ends as the cast have got on so well with each other and new friendships have been formed, old friendships strengthed. I think the intensive (and disorganised) rehearsal schedule really made us bond. Time will tell if it lasts but right now they are a great group of people to hang around with and during quiet moments in the shows (and in the pub afterwards) we have the chance to amuse and counsel one another.

Ahhh... Peace & Love & Zen. You can definitely tell it's a Thursday and not a Monday in 'Meldaland.

Om My God

2008-12-08T22:13:00.000Z

I got a pressie!

I found a nice little package at my door and in it was something I've wanted for a long time... and a couple of other unexpected goodies.

I always drooled over (new mum) Boho Girl's jewellery but missed my chance to get my hands on some when she stopped making jewellery to concentrate on her photography (gorge pics, I'd loved to be snapped by her. If only she/I lived closer!). Then I was contacted by the lovely Daniele from France who, with Boho's blessing, made a very nice gesture and offered to make me the necklace I wanted for such a long time. Et voila! It arrived this morning in a little brown box along with some French mint sweeties, fancy soap and a handwritten note in a card with my favourite colours on it (how did you know?).

Thank you Daniele. It was all totally unexpected and I'm wearing it right now as I type. I wish you all the best with your jewellery and online boutique.

This Time Last Year...

2008-12-07T20:17:00.000Z

I didn't know it then but I was happy. I had settled into my new accommodation and I was shape. I was acting in a play with a large cast so made many acquaintances and new friends. I also had a crush on someone then, which was fun. ;-)

I'm having some good moments now and having a lot of fun with the people in my current play but a lot has happened this year and that takes some sorting out. When I think about this time last year I realise how less complicated life was. And I had two working eyes back them too.

This film and this song takes me back to that time. Love them both.

Food & Sleep

2008-12-05T00:46:00.000Z

What more could a Mel want?

Not long back from the theatre after our second show and I'm sitting here with a big bowl of pasta and a cuppa tea. Niiiiice. Trying to ignore the fact that I've got a 9am conference call to Singapore in the morn and wondering if I'll get in trouble with my manager tomorrow for not making it stupidly obvious to someone to save a report as .xls and not .csv.

I'm so glad to be performing the show even though I'm completely knackered and have no time to do anything. The rehearsals were soul destroying, we had to replace one cast member as he's currently stranded in Italy and not allowed back into the UK due to visa issues and another cast member pulled out on Sunday. With such short notice the only way to get around that is to have his character played, via one cast member, by a hand puppet and voiced by another cast member. Crazy! Despite everything, we're having fun doing the show for real. Even when there's more cast members than audience as was the case tonight. We got through it as best we could. We've got six more shows to do so hopefully we'll get larger audiences (opening night was good). We've got the weekend shows coming up so people will be happier to stay out late in the knowledge that they won't have to get up for work.

Speaking of which, time I hit the sack. I've been getting no more than five hours sleep every night this week so I'm going to try for six tonight. I love sleep. And sleep loves me!

Looming Tech Rehearsal

2008-11-30T01:09:00.000Z

I don't want to go to bed. If I do, I'll have to wake up and go to a mega-long tech rehearsal for my show. It has to be done but why does it have to take so long. We have to get there at 10:30am and have been told to expect not to leave until 10pm. I think I'll die. Or come close to it. I know I will certainly crack up and start speaking jibberish. Wel, more than I do normally. One tech rehearsal has me squeaking "chiiiiips" in a very high voice and conducting experiements on myself by seeing if I could actually do the splits. Turns out I almost could. I got quite close to the ground. So tomorrow/later today I will probably piss a lot of people off. I'm going to try to be not too annoying. I can annoy myself sometimes.

I'd really love a bit more free time right now. I've got stuff to do and a flat to clean! This show is going to take up the next 2.5 weeks. I do have two days off inbetween show runs but could really do with at least the evening before the opening show off too. We need rest! Professional actors have it easy, they don't have a day job to do on top of rehearsals/shows. :-p

I AM going to enjoy doing the show. It's just rehearsals I don't like. The buzz of having an audience makes it so much more fun.

P.S. I love this song from James Morrison and Nelly Furtado. Two of my faves!

The Mourning Blog For Ruth Lorenzo

2008-11-29T23:00:00.000Z

So Ruth has been eliminated from X-Factor 2008 while complete and utter guff like Eoghan and Diana go on to the semi-finals. This is a very WRONG joke the voting public is playing on me/Ruth supporters. I'm now losing interest in the show and am no longer upset that I will be doing my play on the final show night. Go on pulic, enjoy your under-aged mediocre TALANT you dickheads. I'm going to wait patiently for the Lorenzo.

In the meantime feast your eyes on her second performance tonight which had me feeling a bit emotional at the end.

Why I Hate L.J.

2008-11-25T15:53:00.000Z

She smells
She borrows too much money off me to pay for the GALLONS of Vagisil that she needs for her vagina.
She's RIDDLED with vaginitis and it doesn't been to be clearing up.
She gets a burning sensation when in public.
When I was hospitalised and she came to visit me, I couldn't see her that well because of my broken eye. How do I even know it was her?
She can't throw herself out of bed without splitting her foreheard wide open. If she had any brains they would have gushed out.
She had an Akon song on her Going Out Music playlist.
She got to go travelling and I couldn't. How rude!
She's Scottish!
She broke her bum outside Lisa Marie Presley's hotel.
She secretly wants to be Debbie Rowe
She wrestled with Citz on our living floor and messed up everything we had tidied.

X-Factor: Ruth Lorenzo For The Win

2008-11-22T21:30:00.000Z

This is amazing.

At the time of writing she's still in the contest but the results show is coming up soon. Unfortuantely I don't trust the voting public. She's not a cute boy or in a cute boyband so it's not looking good. As usual, in competitions like these the women have to work extra hard but still get beaten by average male acts. Pfffft!

Friday Unplugged

2008-11-18T22:30:00.000Z

No change to my general health. I've still got a monster cold, headaches and a wee cough a-brewing in my chest. Lovely. it's to be expected though. Winter is young, I have a busy schedule, I'm run down and my immune system is shot. I cannot wait for December 20th/21st when I should be back home for Christmas by then and I can look forward to a week of sleep, food and more sleep.

Despite feeling crap it came as a relief that Friday night's concert was a relaxing and chilled out affair. We even had seats to sit on. The unplugged concert took place in an auditorium and we got ourselves some good seats and a evaluation questionaire to ponder. The night started off with short sets from three great acts before Roachford got on stage. According to the host introducing him, he's been phoned by Michael Jackson and Prince. Niiiice! It was a short gig but a great show with a few favourites performed and the little singer within me twitching.

Oh, and earlier that night me and Ellie wandered around the venue and ended up crashing some reception on the first floor. I thought I was doing well with my "we SHOULD be here" confident attitude until we got discovered by the (free) bar-man who noticed the concert logo stamped on our hands (in place of a ticket) and we were told where to go... in a really nice, friendly way. I'm so rock 'n' roll!

Sniffles

2008-11-14T10:00:00.000Z

I feel so rough at the moment. I've got another nasty cold and I'm sitting here with warm cheeks and a sore face. I need to take better care of myself. I got ill in June (try being a Stage Manager with a nasty cough - not easy!), and I think in July. Got ill in August while up in Edinburgh and now again. And I'm not even including all the eye problems/hospitalisation I've had to put up with in my past couple of months.

Edit: Checking through the archives, it seems that I was also sick in early April this year too!

I get a day off tomorrow so I can't wait for that. No work and no rehearsals. Although I'm going to a Roachford concert tonight (yay!) so need to get through that first before I can properly rest. At the moment I'm living on effervesent vitamin C, Sudafed and Lucozade. And Wispa bars too, even though I'm not getting much pleasure from chocolate. My sense of small has gone and there's an odd "sick" sensation in the back of my mouth/throat affecting my tastebuds. Throw my bad eye into the mix and that's 2.5 of my 5 senses impaired. This is ridiculous.

On a positive note, the "sense of despair" that's been following me around lately has subsided a bit now. Problems can be solved. I hope it stays like this.

Nice Lazy Day

2008-11-09T22:59:00.000Z

Today I didn't leave the flat. Spent a lot of time lying around, sleeping and watching TV. I attempted to do a bit of tidying up but it hasn't much difference. I really wanted some chocolate but could muster up the strength to waddle outside, especially as it didn't sound nice out there too. I joined another theatre production last Sunday. I missed the audition recalls for this show because my I was having eye problems and in a lot of pain at the time. So I resigned myself to not being part of this production and was thinking what else I could do with my time until the director got in touch wanting me to come to rehearsals. I think some cast memebers mentioned my name to him. I am now back in the thick of things playing a unglamourous but fun character. Hopefully, I'll get a few laughs out of the audience from it, if not then I'll just look plain ridiculous!

Anyhoo, the show goes up in three weeks and it's a long run spread over two weeks so we are having intensive rehearsals and I am feeling it already so I was grateful for the "day off" today. The rehearsal schedule means that I'll little chance of a social life which will hopefully make it easier to save money and that's always a positive thing.

BTW: I LOVE Ruth Lorenzo on this year's X-Factor... and not just because she sang Purple Rain on one of the shows. Unfortuately I can't find that performance on YouTube as His Purple Assholeness won't allow us to share anything with his music or image on it so I'll link to her performance on yesterday's show instead. Ruth For The Win (not likely as she's Spanish, not a cute kid and doesn't have a sob story).

Obligatory US Election 08 Blog

2008-11-05T10:10:00.000Z

....'cause I have to do it. While everyone else has been posting Obama/Election 08 related Facebook statuses (?), I've been quiet quite about the waiting to see what happend and trying not to raise my hopes too much. Plus I lack intelligence and eloquence to express myself well politically. Well, as this is an historic occasion and one that will be talked about in years/decades to come then I HAVE to say something now:

YAY PRESIDENT OBAMA, YAY!

Where was I when I heard? I crashed out in front of the TV last night as the results from each state were becoming to trickle in, waking every so often to see the latest news. Early morning I had a crazy dream about discovering I was 6 months pregnant and my sister was scanning my belly and relaying all the news back to my mum who was on the phone. The say I felt shocked and freaked out was an understatement. I woke up having a "Oh God, It was a dream.." moment before tuning my ears into the TV and hearing the confirmation that Obama had won.

Then I fell straight back to sleep. I still had a good 90 minutes until it was time to get up for work and I wasn't going to waste. Historic occasion or not! :-p

What I Want To Eat

2008-10-28T11:26:00.000Z

I should start eating breakfast again in the mornings because until lunchtime (and beyond) I obsess about all the yummy food I want. Below is a list of what I want to eat, and where in the next month or two:

Red penang curry from Thai Silk
Chicken katsu curry from Satsuma
Chicken katsu curry and grilled asparagus from Wagamamas
Veggie burger and sweet potato mash from Nandos
Spicy veggie dumplings from Itsu (Update: ate!)
Sushi from Wasabi
Spaghetti carbonara from The Picadilly
Bagin (aubergine) from The Punjab
Curry chips from my local chippy back home

Oh God, food - get into my belly now!

Mixed Emotions

2008-10-28T11:20:00.000Z

It's freezing outside and I don't mind that much. I definitely need to buy some gloves though.

I'm such a mixed bag of emotions at the moment. Yes, I'm back in boring job with no money at the moment but I've got my show coming up tomorrow and other things happening in the next month to look forward too. I didn't get a part in my theatre company's Christmas show but then I can probably use the time spent rehearsing to get a part time job with. My vision in my left eye is still pathetic but my doctor spoke to me yesterday and told me how I could improve my vision. Out of all the appointments I've had and doctors I've seen no ones bothered to talk to me about how I can improve my vision so I was so happy yesterday when this doctor spoke to me about it. He even drew diagrams and everything!

(In a nutshell: a hard contact lense might help with focusing the light through my cornea but if that doesn't help there's always the option of a corneal graft. It has some small risks but it not as scary as I though it would be. So yes, it's good to have options)

So I'm not quite sure if I should feel excited or want to crawl back under the duvet and stay there until it's time to go home to the family for Christmas.

Questionaire From L.J.

2008-10-24T21:43:00.000Z

Sent, upon request, by L.J. Some serious, some non-serious answers. Which is which?!

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
I finally got around to taking a proper look at Taking Flight and am getting twinges of inspiration. Weee!

WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?
22:45

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It says DELL on it.

FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?
Hungry Hippos

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
Spirit & Destiny. I'm putting all my faith into astrology

BABIES?
They taste nice with some Tabbasco sauce!

FAVOURITE SMELL?
Pizza, Curry Chips, Chicken Katsu Curry, Red Thai Penang Curry, Babies

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
When you’re watching Joseph and as Donny O sings "I will give you what you came for, and much more la laa..." and if you look behind him Maria Friedman is doing her dragon breath impression.

Oh, and life at the moment.

FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING?
Oh God, I'm so aloooone!

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
If it's a Witheld number or I don't recognise it then I let it go to voicemail.

FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Boy: Vulva
Girl: Slobodan

FAVOURITE COLOUR?
Blue-green, Pink, Purple

WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE?
Money. Attention. Looks.

FAVOURITE FOOD!
Pizza, Curry, Curry Chips.

IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Piano. Skin Flute

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
I imagine I would drive quite fast if I was ever allowed behind a wheel.

SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
They dont live in/on my bed

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
One of those toy cars that you have to charge up at the mains overnight. Was my brother's though.

WHO IS THE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
Maternal Gran. To find out more about her performing side when she was younger.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Champagne, only because as I don't drink, half a glass of this will get me merry.

WHAT'S IN THE BOOT OF YOUR CAR?
Plastic sheets. Shovel

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Aye.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Singer, actor, writer, artist, pr & marketing person, blood donor centre person.

EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Aye.

GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
It depends how my mood is at the time.

FAVOURITE MOVIE?
Saw 1-5, Gigli and Shooting Star: The JAckson 5 Movie!

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
No.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Dust, shoes, knickers

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST AMBITION?
To sort myself out and have some proper confidence

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
Broken left cornea.

IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Near a beach in Brazil.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
All the things I don't have yet. Stuff from Fat Face.

BEACH, MOUNTAINS OR CITY?
All three.

TECHNOLOGY OR ART?
A bit of both? I like some gagdets and some art

COMEDY OR HORROR?
Comedy.

FAVOURITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Face. Only beautiful people are allowed to approach me.

FAVOURITE TIME OF DAY?
Evening.

THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
It's been aaaages 'cause I've got no money. Really can't remember. Maybe Idina Menzel's album (original release and I got it signed by her!)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
Back. Though my legs felt good when I had a sports massage before the marathon

WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
Oh-errr... difficult. One can affect t'other.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
7.30

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE KITCHEN ITEM?
Food.

WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
Maria Friedman. Myself. Men. Stupid people.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
SUV, I can scare people more easily

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Dunno. I believe in something.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SEASON?
Spring/Autumn

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?Like the Japanese boy in Heroes, to travel through space and time.

DO YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Your mums face on meh boobeh!

CAN YOU JUGGLE?
I can juggle two balls.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE DAY?
Friday. Work is over and the weekend is young.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Sushi (although I have enjoyed the McDonalds M burger)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SOAP?
Sainsburys Coconut & Almond shower wash
TV show: can't be ar$ed thinking about it.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEAL?
Pizza, Curry Chips, Chicken Katsu Curry, Red Thai Penang Curry, Babies

IF YOU COULD TAKE A VACATION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD IT BE?
NYC, Brazil, Hawaii (thanks to L.J. who raved about the place)

Bedtime!

2008-10-23T21:27:00.000Z

The 24 hours of hourly eye drops turned into 120 hours. That ended this afternoon so I am off to bed shortly to have some uninterupted sleep. Eye is feeling and looking better. My sight had improved at the weekend (maybe due to the anesthetic or pupil dilating drops?) but is now extremely hazy again. More so that it used to be I think. Hopefully it'll improve slightly once I'm fully recovered form this recent problem and then more so over time. I think I could get really depressed about my vision if I allow myself but everything else is so shit at the moment that will do me no favours.

Up All Night

2008-10-18T23:17:00.000Z

My task today is to give myself eyedrops every hour for 24 hours. Yes, that means throughout the night too so there is zero chance I'll get any decent sleep tonight. I don't actually mind too much because if this is what has to be done to prevent a repeat of my hospital stay in August then I'll do it.

The doctors yesterday decided that I should have my cornea scraped to eliminate the threat of a new infection flaring up which is how I spent my Saturday afternoon. Despite it feeling a little less painful that it had been and the doctor nothing that it looked better I still have some anesthetic whacked in my eye and then random needles and cotton wool swabs run over my eye to collect cells for analysis. Note: the "needles" were used length-ways and looked more like kirby grips. I wasn't being stabbed with them. Despite the anestheic I could still feel something, whetther is was pressure or tenderness and as soon as the doctor left the room for the moment I did have to have a cry. Not so much for the pain (because it wasn't too painful) but more for feeling a little bit violated and having to sit through something like that. I probably sound overdramatic but I didn't expect it to affect me that way.

So I've been putting the eye drops in since 2pm and will continue to do so until tomorrow afternoon. I have to go back in the morning so see what they grew from my swabs (if anything) and to decide upon the next course of action. The doctor thinks I could just need to get back on my steroid drops but we have to treat it as if there's an infection there until we can rule that out.

It's frustrating as I just want this to go away as quick as possible so I can continue with life and move on. I just want to get on with my new job (was there for 1 day before I got sick again) and earn some money and get back into a routine again. I want to look and feel good again so I can continue with all my performance plans (I had to cancel a casting for a chocolate advert this week becuase of the eruption in my eye socket). I really want the light sensitivity to go which will make working life and performing life so much easier to do.

I just have to be patient. Which is hard for me to do. Meh.

Ow Ow Ow!

2008-10-16T20:29:00.000Z

Went to the eye hospital on Tuesday after my eye got red and sore again and was told I have some problem with the top layer of my cornea. Was given some eye drops and an antibiotics cream to rub onto my eye and was told that it should do the trick and I'll be fine in a couple of days.

Well a couple of days later and I'm still in pain. MORE pain actually. I'm taking strong co-codemol for the pain and it's making me feel sick and drowsy. The eye is not better, it feels and looks worse. Swollen and bright red. I tdoesn't seem to be getting better so I'm going back tomorrow to get it looked at again.

I'm really sick of this. I'm doing everything proper;y but I keep on having problems. I just want to get better and get on with my life but it's difficult to do so when I've spent the past 48 hours unable to open both my eyes. Hate this!

Promotion!

2008-10-12T23:22:00.000Z

Got a call tonight from the director of the one night only show. One of the girls has pulled out so I've been asked to play their character instead (and write out my previous character). I'm happy with doing that as the new character has some fully lines/duologue but means I need to find and invest in some (cheap) stripper shoes. This calls for Ebay!

Learning Lines

2008-10-12T00:51:00.000Z

Got the script today for the One Night Only show and will be having drinks with the whole group involved on Monday to discuss it. Will need to ask a few questions about my costume. I'm alright with playing a stripper I just need to know how much flesh I have to flash. I think I'll be covering myself up as much as possible with corsets, stockings... and a hoodie?! In the meantime I've got to get my lines down. There's not an awful lot to learn, a couple of chunky bits, but it's important I learn my cues and get the timing right otherwise the scenes will sound shite.

I've got some work sorted for Monday. I'm too tired to go into the whole thing and all the interviews I've been to this week and their outcomes but I'm staying positive that reminding myself that nothing is permenant and it is possible to have a good job that I enjoy.... someday.

In the meantime there's always my "second career" to focus on.

Post Show Life

2008-10-07T19:48:00.000Z

Another show over. This one went well but I was only onstage for 5-10 minutes so not much chance of messing up. Even the girl-on-girl snog went well and I enjoyed hearing the audience's reaction to that every night. After the final show and Get-Out we began the aftershow party which turned into another all-nighter full of left-over party food and dancing to every genre of music possible. After a 3am snooze (see below) I got a second wind and returned to some energetic dancing (including the now famous, in my world, Jumping Boob Thrust Dance. I may make a video of that someday) and teadrinking. Rock on.

Me and a friend eventually left the theatre at at 12noon the next day. One of the cast members passed out on the sofa and we couldn't wake her at 8am so we snoozed on the sofas with her until she felt awake and sober anough to get home. We're nice like that!

On my way home I dropped into Drop-In Reiki. I always see this advertised at the start of every month but never get aroudn to checking it out. However after all my recent health problem and a flare-up in my bad eye on Thursday (got it checked out, no infection coming back and got some drops to help keep my cornea moist) I wanted to give it a go and see what it could do. I left the session feeling quite chilled and noticed that my sensitivity to the light in the clinic hallway had decreased. It was also nice to talk through recent events with the therapist and she gave me some advice to help with my eye. I think I'll give this a go next month again, at the very least it's relaxing and that's not a bad thing.

The therapist advised me to get an eyepatch to help with the photophobia and general eye recovery so I got one yesterday. I'm wearing it now as I type, feeling quite piratey, and I wore it all day yesterday (when indoors) and got lots of sleep. The eye is looking better for it (and for the ibuprofen I'm taking too?) so I shall continue to do so for a while. Arrrrrrr!

In among the job hunting (I might be starting an alrightish, not great paid job soon but still waiting the outcome on some applications so it's better than nothing) I'm preparing for my next show. It's a one-off show atthe end of the month, based on a play which I was a dancer in last year. A friend booked the venue so we had to think of something to fill it with asap so the writer is re-wrtiting one of her old plays to suit. I'll be getting the corset, fishnet and hotpants out again as I'll be playing a stripper (NO nudity!) and we will have very little time to learn our lines (haven't received the new script yet) and only 3 rehearsals. Sounds rushed (it is!) and stressful but I like that. It'll also count as a professional production which will be great to stick on the ol' (performing) CV and just to say out loud. Go me.

Life may be rubbish in some areas but it's looking not too shabby in others. Hurrah!

Only Positive Things

2008-09-30T21:22:00.000Z

I'm trying to write something that's not all about me despairing about not having a job (still jobhunting, finally have an interview on Thursday) or my broken eye (infection gone but the huge scar is buggering up my sight and I've got the wait up to 6 months to see if/how much it fades) and that's probably the reason I haven't blogged in a while. So I'm going to focus on the positive stuff.

Despite everything I've been having a right old sociable time. Supporting the Edinburgh Cast in their new ventures, Friday night parties are dragged out until Sundays and finally getting some good quality rehearsals down for the show I'm in this week. it's come around sooner than expected, what with all the interuptions I've had in my life in the past 6 weeks, but I'm looking forward to evening time this week. It's always good to get back out on stage especially as this part, as small as it is, is a lot more juicy that the previous role.

I'm hoping things are going to look up after this week. This job I am being interviewed for sounds interesting and I think I would enjoy it there. Once I have a job I can begin to sort other things out and I can probably allow myself to sign up for a course or two and get on with all the things I was inspired to do while up in Edinburgh. I received an email last week from a writer/director I have worked with and we (the group) are planning lots of interesting performing things to do in the near future so I'm looking forward to working on that.

Time to end this mofo and redo my CV for an agency (major drag) and beautify myself for the show tomorrow night.

I Finally Have Internet!

2008-09-14T22:59:00.001Z

I've had it since Thursday night actually. To quote my friend when I texted her the news: I haz shock!

Still stumbling through life in a half-blurry way. The eye is no better. It's healthy but I still can't see any better and they bluriness doesn't seem to be change. Still, must give it time... it'll probably be a gradual change so I can't expect any drastic improvement in a week. It's frustrating. I'm looking forward to the pupil dilating drops finally wearing off and my eye at least looking normal in the meantime.

Apart from that there's little else to talk about. I had a great weekend seeing Stevie Wonder in concert in Friday then have a lazy Saturday lying around eating junk and watching lots of (Prince) DVDs and TV. I'm preparing myself for jobhunting again this week and hopefully I'll have something, no matter how short a contract it is, by the end of the week. I just need one less thing to worry about. Make it happen!!!

Wee Update

2008-09-11T16:32:00.000Z

I'm still without home internet and out of a job too so I'm hammering out a quick update in an internet cafe while I have the chance.

Lots has gone on since I last wrote. Went to Edinburgh and had an amazing but exhausting time. However 3 days before the end of my trip I was hospitalised with a really bad eye infection. I spent a week in hospital up there and I'm still recovering. The infection (a severe bacterial ulcer on my cornea apparently) has cleared up but there's still a little bit of inflamation. The bad news is that it's left a scar over my cornea that's blurring my vision in that eye and it may never clear up, therefore alway affecting my site in that eye. Time will tell though so I just have to hope it fades enough that it becomes unoticeable. Or, as everyone else keeps telling me, I could havea cornea transplant. *shudder*

So fingers crossed. I'm going to eat better and take vitamins and also trying not to stress about being jobless (they ended it while I was in hospital!!!!) and money so I make as best a recovery as possible.

Right, back to the jobhunt. I SHOULD have home internet soon (it's BT though so don't count on it. I've only had this problem for 2 months now.) then I can write more about Edinburgh. The good stuff!

Escape From London

2008-08-08T11:45:00.000Z

I'm off tomorrow to stage manage my friend's show in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Hoping I don't screw up. I've only SMed one show before and it was on a much smaller scale to this one. Also finding the thought of two weeks off work and away from London quite daunting. There's still lots to do here and I should keep working and saving but I agreed to this a long time ago so there's no backing out now.

I might even learn to relax and bit and my insides might begin to feel better. These past couple of months have been upsetting and stressful and hopefully I can begin to sort things out now and relax a bit and move on. Yay! It's my birthday too in a couple of days (tasty Birthday dinner tonight!) so New Start, New Life and all that jazz. Looking forward to moving on jobwise. I need to do something that will not leave me frustratly in tears and wanting to rip my fingernails out!

I'm going to invest in some serious yoga classes when I get back. Partly to calm down and get my health back on track and pratly to prepare for my next role onstage as a glamourous lesbian!

Next blog: Edinburgh! :-)

Doing Stuff & Feeling Tired

2008-07-21T16:55:00.000Z

Despite a promising early night on Friday the rest of my weekend was spent burning the candle at both ends and I am now quite knackered which is not good considering I'm performing this Wednesday - Saturday.

The weekend was spent attending various rehearsals for my own play and the musical I'll be working on in Edinburgh next month. In between those rehearsals and beyong I did a lot of socialising with cast members of both shows. Saturday night was spent in a swanky flat in London getting drunk on half a glass of champagne (I'm teetotal, it's not that hard), being pleasured by a massage chair and discovering my superb table football skills. I got home that night and had an admirable 7 hours sleep before I was back up and travelling to the theatre for our tech rehearsal.

After the tech ended earlier than usual I made my way over to the musical rehearsals and got to see the whole show performed which was a lot of fun. This is a fab show and I'd have loved to been part of it. Instead of being sensible by going home to wash a weeks worth of clothes and having an early night, I spent it in the pub downstairs with the guys from that cast, being loud and smutty as usual. I stuck to soft drinks and tea this time.

The fun never stops, as both shows are opening on Wednesday I've got a play dress rehearsal tonight and musical rehearsal tomorrow. If I could fit in a run somewhere that would be great (I'm feeling chubby at the moment) but it's not looking likely. Roll on Saturday and the chance to get some serious sleep!