What I Want To Eat

I should start eating breakfast again in the mornings because until lunchtime (and beyond) I obsess about all the yummy food I want. Below is a list of what I want to eat, and where in the next month or two:

• Red penang curry from Thai Silk
• Chicken katsu curry from Satsuma
• Chicken katsu curry and grilled asparagus from Wagamamas
• Veggie burger and sweet potato mash from Nandos
• Spicy veggie dumplings from Itsu (Update: ate!)
• Sushi from Wasabi
• Spaghetti carbonara from The Picadilly
• Bagin (aubergine) from The Punjab
• Curry chips from my local chippy back home

Oh God, food - get into my belly now!

Mixed Emotions

It's freezing outside and I don't mind that much. I definitely need to buy some gloves though.

I'm such a mixed bag of emotions at the moment. Yes, I'm back in boring job with no money at the moment but I've got my show coming up tomorrow and other things happening in the next month to look forward too. I didn't get a part in my theatre company's Christmas show but then I can probably use the time spent rehearsing to get a part time job with. My vision in my left eye is still pathetic but my doctor spoke to me yesterday and told me how I could improve my vision. Out of all the appointments I've had and doctors I've seen no ones bothered to talk to me about how I can improve my vision so I was so happy yesterday when this doctor spoke to me about it. He even drew diagrams and everything!

(In a nutshell: a hard contact lense might help with focusing the light through my cornea but if that doesn't help there's always the option of a corneal graft. It has some small risks but it not as scary as I though it would be. So yes, it's good to have options)

So I'm not quite sure if I should feel excited or want to crawl back under the duvet and stay there until it's time to go home to the family for Christmas.

Questionaire From L.J.

Sent, upon request, by L.J. Some serious, some non-serious answers. Which is which?!

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
I finally got around to taking a proper look at Taking Flight and am getting twinges of inspiration. Weee!

WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?
22:45

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It says DELL on it.

FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?
Hungry Hippos

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
Spirit & Destiny. I'm putting all my faith into astrology

BABIES?
They taste nice with some Tabbasco sauce!

FAVOURITE SMELL?
Pizza, Curry Chips, Chicken Katsu Curry, Red Thai Penang Curry, Babies

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
When you’re watching Joseph and as Donny O sings "I will give you what you came for, and much more la laa..." and if you look behind him Maria Friedman is doing her dragon breath impression.

Oh, and life at the moment.

FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING?
Oh God, I'm so aloooone!

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
If it's a Witheld number or I don't recognise it then I let it go to voicemail.

FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Boy: Vulva
Girl: Slobodan

FAVOURITE COLOUR?
Blue-green, Pink, Purple

WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE?
Money. Attention. Looks.

FAVOURITE FOOD!
Pizza, Curry, Curry Chips.

IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Piano. Skin Flute

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
I imagine I would drive quite fast if I was ever allowed behind a wheel.

SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
They dont live in/on my bed

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
One of those toy cars that you have to charge up at the mains overnight. Was my brother's though.

WHO IS THE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
Maternal Gran. To find out more about her performing side when she was younger.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Champagne, only because as I don't drink, half a glass of this will get me merry.

WHAT'S IN THE BOOT OF YOUR CAR?
Plastic sheets. Shovel

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Aye.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Singer, actor, writer, artist, pr & marketing person, blood donor centre person.

EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Aye.

GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
It depends how my mood is at the time.

FAVOURITE MOVIE?
Saw 1-5, Gigli and Shooting Star: The JAckson 5 Movie!

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
No.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Dust, shoes, knickers

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST AMBITION?
To sort myself out and have some proper confidence

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
Broken left cornea.

IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Near a beach in Brazil.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
All the things I don't have yet. Stuff from Fat Face.

BEACH, MOUNTAINS OR CITY?
All three.

TECHNOLOGY OR ART?
A bit of both? I like some gagdets and some art

COMEDY OR HORROR?
Comedy.

FAVOURITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Face. Only beautiful people are allowed to approach me.

FAVOURITE TIME OF DAY?
Evening.

THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
It's been aaaages 'cause I've got no money. Really can't remember. Maybe Idina Menzel's album (original release and I got it signed by her!)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
Back. Though my legs felt good when I had a sports massage before the marathon

WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
Oh-errr... difficult. One can affect t'other.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
7.30

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE KITCHEN ITEM?
Food.

WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
Maria Friedman. Myself. Men. Stupid people.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
SUV, I can scare people more easily

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Dunno. I believe in something.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SEASON?
Spring/Autumn

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?Like the Japanese boy in Heroes, to travel through space and time.

DO YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Your mums face on meh boobeh!

CAN YOU JUGGLE?
I can juggle two balls.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE DAY?
Friday. Work is over and the weekend is young.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Sushi (although I have enjoyed the McDonalds M burger)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SOAP?
Sainsburys Coconut & Almond shower wash
TV show: can't be ar$ed thinking about it.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEAL?
Pizza, Curry Chips, Chicken Katsu Curry, Red Thai Penang Curry, Babies

IF YOU COULD TAKE A VACATION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD IT BE?
NYC, Brazil, Hawaii (thanks to L.J. who raved about the place)

Bedtime!

The 24 hours of hourly eye drops turned into 120 hours. That ended this afternoon so I am off to bed shortly to have some uninterupted sleep. Eye is feeling and looking better. My sight had improved at the weekend (maybe due to the anesthetic or pupil dilating drops?) but is now extremely hazy again. More so that it used to be I think. Hopefully it'll improve slightly once I'm fully recovered form this recent problem and then more so over time. I think I could get really depressed about my vision if I allow myself but everything else is so shit at the moment that will do me no favours.

Up All Night

My task today is to give myself eyedrops every hour for 24 hours. Yes, that means throughout the night too so there is zero chance I'll get any decent sleep tonight. I don't actually mind too much because if this is what has to be done to prevent a repeat of my hospital stay in August then I'll do it.

The doctors yesterday decided that I should have my cornea scraped to eliminate the threat of a new infection flaring up which is how I spent my Saturday afternoon. Despite it feeling a little less painful that it had been and the doctor nothing that it looked better I still have some anesthetic whacked in my eye and then random needles and cotton wool swabs run over my eye to collect cells for analysis. Note: the "needles" were used length-ways and looked more like kirby grips. I wasn't being stabbed with them. Despite the anestheic I could still feel something, whetther is was pressure or tenderness and as soon as the doctor left the room for the moment I did have to have a cry. Not so much for the pain (because it wasn't too painful) but more for feeling a little bit violated and having to sit through something like that. I probably sound overdramatic but I didn't expect it to affect me that way.

So I've been putting the eye drops in since 2pm and will continue to do so until tomorrow afternoon. I have to go back in the morning so see what they grew from my swabs (if anything) and to decide upon the next course of action. The doctor thinks I could just need to get back on my steroid drops but we have to treat it as if there's an infection there until we can rule that out.

It's frustrating as I just want this to go away as quick as possible so I can continue with life and move on. I just want to get on with my new job (was there for 1 day before I got sick again) and earn some money and get back into a routine again. I want to look and feel good again so I can continue with all my performance plans (I had to cancel a casting for a chocolate advert this week becuase of the eruption in my eye socket). I really want the light sensitivity to go which will make working life and performing life so much easier to do.

I just have to be patient. Which is hard for me to do. Meh.

Ow Ow Ow!

Went to the eye hospital on Tuesday after my eye got red and sore again and was told I have some problem with the top layer of my cornea. Was given some eye drops and an antibiotics cream to rub onto my eye and was told that it should do the trick and I'll be fine in a couple of days.

Well a couple of days later and I'm still in pain. MORE pain actually. I'm taking strong co-codemol for the pain and it's making me feel sick and drowsy. The eye is not better, it feels and looks worse. Swollen and bright red. I tdoesn't seem to be getting better so I'm going back tomorrow to get it looked at again.

I'm really sick of this. I'm doing everything proper;y but I keep on having problems. I just want to get better and get on with my life but it's difficult to do so when I've spent the past 48 hours unable to open both my eyes. Hate this!

Promotion!

Got a call tonight from the director of the one night only show. One of the girls has pulled out so I've been asked to play their character instead (and write out my previous character). I'm happy with doing that as the new character has some fully lines/duologue but means I need to find and invest in some (cheap) stripper shoes. This calls for Ebay!

Learning Lines

Got the script today for the One Night Only show and will be having drinks with the whole group involved on Monday to discuss it. Will need to ask a few questions about my costume. I'm alright with playing a stripper I just need to know how much flesh I have to flash. I think I'll be covering myself up as much as possible with corsets, stockings... and a hoodie?! In the meantime I've got to get my lines down. There's not an awful lot to learn, a couple of chunky bits, but it's important I learn my cues and get the timing right otherwise the scenes will sound shite.

I've got some work sorted for Monday. I'm too tired to go into the whole thing and all the interviews I've been to this week and their outcomes but I'm staying positive that reminding myself that nothing is permenant and it is possible to have a good job that I enjoy.... someday.

In the meantime there's always my "second career" to focus on.

Post Show Life

Another show over. This one went well but I was only onstage for 5-10 minutes so not much chance of messing up. Even the girl-on-girl snog went well and I enjoyed hearing the audience's reaction to that every night. After the final show and Get-Out we began the aftershow party which turned into another all-nighter full of left-over party food and dancing to every genre of music possible. After a 3am snooze (see below) I got a second wind and returned to some energetic dancing (including the now famous, in my world, Jumping Boob Thrust Dance. I may make a video of that someday) and teadrinking. Rock on.




Me and a friend eventually left the theatre at at 12noon the next day. One of the cast members passed out on the sofa and we couldn't wake her at 8am so we snoozed on the sofas with her until she felt awake and sober anough to get home. We're nice like that!

On my way home I dropped into Drop-In Reiki. I always see this advertised at the start of every month but never get aroudn to checking it out. However after all my recent health problem and a flare-up in my bad eye on Thursday (got it checked out, no infection coming back and got some drops to help keep my cornea moist) I wanted to give it a go and see what it could do. I left the session feeling quite chilled and noticed that my sensitivity to the light in the clinic hallway had decreased. It was also nice to talk through recent events with the therapist and she gave me some advice to help with my eye. I think I'll give this a go next month again, at the very least it's relaxing and that's not a bad thing.

The therapist advised me to get an eyepatch to help with the photophobia and general eye recovery so I got one yesterday. I'm wearing it now as I type, feeling quite piratey, and I wore it all day yesterday (when indoors) and got lots of sleep. The eye is looking better for it (and for the ibuprofen I'm taking too?) so I shall continue to do so for a while. Arrrrrrr!

In among the job hunting (I might be starting an alrightish, not great paid job soon but still waiting the outcome on some applications so it's better than nothing) I'm preparing for my next show. It's a one-off show atthe end of the month, based on a play which I was a dancer in last year. A friend booked the venue so we had to think of something to fill it with asap so the writer is re-wrtiting one of her old plays to suit. I'll be getting the corset, fishnet and hotpants out again as I'll be playing a stripper (NO nudity!) and we will have very little time to learn our lines (haven't received the new script yet) and only 3 rehearsals. Sounds rushed (it is!) and stressful but I like that. It'll also count as a professional production which will be great to stick on the ol' (performing) CV and just to say out loud. Go me.

Life may be rubbish in some areas but it's looking not too shabby in others. Hurrah!