Saying No

Yesterday I called the director of You're A Good Man Charlie Brown , the show I was recently given a small part in, and told him that I would be dropping out. My friends will know that this has been a big issue and something I've talked about non-stop this past week. As I said previously I was cast in a "supporting role" which means that as there are only 6 characters in the show, the director decided to make up some roles which would involved us standing around at the back of the stage and uttering the odd word here and there. Or petting Snoopy at one point.

I accepted the role because a couple of friends cast in the same parts wanted me to do it but after the first rehearsal it was clear that I was going to be wasted in a support role. I spent that evening shaking with anger as it became clear just how much I was fobbed off with this role and it clearly would not be worth my time playing it. In terms of talent there was clearly no difference between me and the lead female (except she has an authentic American accent and I "only" have a really good fake American accent) so I am left very confused at what the deciding factor was. The director himself knows (or should know) from his own personal experience that I am a loyal (to the show and the company), dependable and GOOD performer with energy & charisma on stage. That's the collective opinion of a group of people who had seen & worked with me so I do not have an over-inflated opinion of myself.

For the first time ever I STRONGLY had a lot of faith in myself and was confident I could carry off a lead role and excel at it. I'm extremely frustrated that people who should know me don't have the same faith in me. However I refuse to let that shoot down the little confidence I have built up in me. I've paid my dues to this company over the years and it hasn't paid off. I seems I will always be typecast in the small, support roles that no one else wants to do. I am now determined to move on from this and progress. I even went to an emergency audition for a role in another production (their lead female performer has gone awol) last night. I was a bit nervous which did affect some of my singing but pulled it together for the big crescendo, the harmonies and the acting part so although not 100% perfect, definitely not bad either. Worthy of a lead in YAGMCB for sure. Still waiting for the outcome of that audition and while it would be fantastic to get the part, it is a huge & demanding role so I understand if I didn't quite make the grade this time.

Final note: My friends have been amazing to me throughout all this. I hope I can show them the same support in their career/personal goals as they have shown me.