Made It Back

Rolled into the coach station at 6:15 this morning. Dropped my bags off at the flat then went straight onto work so getting through today was bloody hard work. I was helped by a caramel machiatto in the morning and a late lunch/shopping trip/hot chocolate and catch-up with a friend who works nearby.

I'm completely dazed at the moment so have no idea is this makes any sense. I've been dozing all evening and got nothing done so I think I should just go to sleep now and wake up earlier than usual to wash & tidy flat. I wouldn't bother with the flat but my New Year's Even plans involved going to the cinema with a friend and then back to mine to watch DVDs/surf the net probably. It's going to be too cold to go out tomorrow night so why not ring in the New Year in comfort and cosy dressing-gown style.

Sick Again!

After a restless night of sleep I finally got up and made friends with the toilet bowl. I had a couple of hours sleep then got up to change my bus ticket back to London then went back to bed and that's where I stayed until 6:30 this evening. And I'm still exhausted. And annoyed that I'm ill once again. Just as the nasty cough was beginning to subside I now have what feels like a tummy bug. Gah! When I'm back in London I will definitely get back to the yoga and running. I also need to eat better too. Once I'm feeling better I can begin to put the "Change Life In 2009 - Positivity & Zen!" plan into action.

I have to call in sick to work tomorrow morning. I hate doing that.

2008 Survey (Almost completed)

Taken from Citz. It's only half completed because I don't have enough brain energy to think to hard about some of the questions. Check back for more.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I ran/walked the London Marathon and completed it.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember what they were but one was probably to lose weight. Which I did and put on, and lost again etc.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister did so I'm an auntie now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No one close.

5. What countries/cities did you visit?
Dublin for the Prince concert that never was and Edinburgh to work at the Fringe Festival.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Money. Loads more fun. More travel.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 13th for the marathon, August 23rd for being admitted to hospital. July 3rd for my neice being born. Oooooh, all 3's.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing the marathon.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Getting ill.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yup. Half a dozen bouts of cold, flu and/or cough. Oh and the bacterial ulcer on my cornea. Sucky year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My friends being there for me after all my marathon/work/eyes dramas.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My friend's soon to be ex-wife spreading rumours and making life difficult for the both of them when it wasn't necessary.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't have a clue. I did get much this year to actually spend on things anyway.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Dalliances with boys. Doing my shows.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?


17. Compared to this time last year, are you…

i. happier or sadder?
Sadder

ii. thinner or fatter?
About the same

iii. richer or poorer?
Poorer. Definitely poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressed less .

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I'm spending it now. Back home, with the family. As usual.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
Haven't a clue. No plans yet.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope.

23. How many one night stands?
Kinda had one but we didn't go all the way so that probably doesn't count.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
X-Factor, Harry Hill's TV Burp, Doctor Who

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. I hate not.

26. What was the best book you read?
I think it was this year. The Color Purple by Alice Walker. Haven't been able to do too much reading since August because it's too much effort for my good eye.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The song "Good Love" by Prince.

28. What did you want and get?

29. What did you want and not get?

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I don't think I had a favourite I enjoyed Sex & The City - The Movie, Madagascar 2 and The Secret Life of Bees.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26. It was my third day up in Edinburgh and the cast & crew of our show all sang Happy Birthday to me in them middle of the theatre bar... and everyone turned to look.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not getting hospitalised and ending up with a scar over my cornea screwing up my vision. And the usual. Money. Stimulating job.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Nothing special.

34. What kept you sane?
I honestly don't know. Maybe the hope that things might/will get better.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Probably the US election

37. Who did you miss?

38. Who was the best new person you met?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
I should have appreciated my sight more.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

41. Was 2008 a good year for you?
It had it's good moments but I'd say the bad moments void all those.

42. What were your favourite moments of the year?
Meeting my week old neice and also seeing her become a much more interesting 5 month old. Staying up to 4am watching the Olympics while in Edinburgh. The first night we all moved into decent accommodation (a great big house) and most of the cast & crew ended up in in my room, all drunk and talking shite and laughing lots.

43. What was your least favourite moment of the year?
Being hospitalised. The awful pain in my eye. The discovery of the scar once the infection cleared. Some recurring eye problems.

44. What was your favourite month of 2008?
August 1st - 21st. We saw "Wicked" again, I had my birthday dinner in London then went to Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival and had a crazy time.

45. What was your favourite song from 2008?

46. What was your favourite record from 2008?

47. How many concerts did you see in 2008?
Alicia Keys (2), Stevie Wonder. Roachford.

48. Did you have a favourite concert in 2008?
Stevie was good. A living legend etc. Roachford was good too. A small venue so we had a great view.

49. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
A lot for me actually. The odd half-glass of champagne and a couple of vodka-alcopops in Edinburgh

50. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
No.

51. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
No.

52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
Don't know. If they lied, I haven't found out yet.

53. Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?
Don't think I did. I hope I didn't. I was probably ruder than necessary than I had to be to a call centre person. And I did gossip and bitch a bit at times.

54. Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?
Could have been less of a jerk but meh.

55. How much money did you spend in 2008?
I spent a bit at the start of the year on marathon/running gear but not much from April onwards.

56. What was your proudest moment of 2008?
Completing the marathon, getting through the worst of my eye problems.

57. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be? I would have taken better care of my health and contact lenses in August so I wouldn't have got ill and fucked up my eye. I'd also have started looking for a new job contract before the marathon instead of afterwards.

58. What are your plans for 2009?

Move out of flat and into flat/houseshare
Sort out finances
Do more acting/performing stuff
Buy more Fat Face stuff.
Run the half-marathon in March
Be bridesmaid at sister's wedding.
Get my eye fixed. Either it heals up by itself or I have a graft. Time will tell.

Home For Christmas

I'm still being stalked by a nasty, rattling cough but beginning to feel better elsewhere which is good. I'm leaving soon for the 11 hour bus journey to Scotland (then getting the ferry across the Irish Sea) so this is it until I come back next weekend. could update at home when there's a quiet moment but that's rare with my huge, crazy family.

Ahhhh... food, sleep and more food. Despite the crazies at home, I can't wait to get back for this.

Dressing Room

(Click To Enlarge)

I think I look cute! ;-)

Out Of It

I've been really ill since Saturday and have barely ate anything since then. Went to bed at 2am hoping to sleep off a bit of tension that had set in my forehead but woke to an awful headache which made me feel sick everything I moved. I was feeling a bit better last night but after a nice of extreme dreaming and crazy sleep, I now feel quite peculiar. Part of me feels like how I did when I was on the co-codemol during my hospital stay. Drowsy is probably the best word for it. I'm physically & mentally drowsy.

Despite feeling awful on Saturday I still had one more show to do and I managed to pull myself together for that with the help of a toasted muffin and cup of tea at the venue. However as soon as I spoke my first line my voice began to go. As the play progressed I got hoarser and hoarser and I spent the aftershow party asleep on the sofa. Sunday and Monday was split between lying down and/or sleeping and not much else.

Hopefully tonight I'll have enough energy to give the flat a tidy, wash some clothes ( and myself) and begin to pack. I'm going back home (via bus) this weekend to spend Xmas with the family. Haven't decided on a date yet but it'll probably be a Saturday. Hopefully the lunatics back home will control themselves for a little while so I can get a proper rest. Will be good to see my neice again. I saw her last when she was two months old, she's five months old now and is probably completely different!

PS: Got word back from the woman about the Marathon places. I wasn't elligible for one as the places were only allocated for people at her company. Probably for the best, to ill to begin training now. Might go for the half-marathon in March instead.

London Marathon 2009?

Oh... there may be an opportunity for me to run in the London Marathon in April 2009. Waiting to find out if I am eligible for a place. Then I have to decide if I want to commit to it. I have to give this a lot of thought. I've got all that training to fit into my life somehow, plus I haven't ran or exercised much in recent months due to all my health/eye issues so would need to start from scratch again. So lots to take into consideration.

Time will tell....

Back To Work!

The performing kind, not the office kind. After a much needed and deserved 3 evenings off, we were back at the theatre yesterday for the second run of our play. As the shows at our theatre only run for 4 or 5 days over one week, it felt so odd to be walking back in to prepare for another run of shows when we knew we'd already completed a run. I think I even said at one point "Oh, I can't be bothered doing this again" and a couple of people agreed with me but that all changed when the show began and we got back into the ol' routine and thrill of entertaining an audience. I'm now looking forward to tonight's show and not just because I want to leave (office) work.

We also had a great audience last night who joined in with the "panto" elements of the show and some of my lines got good laughs from them. I think this week will be fun. We had a couple of diffult nights last week when we had a small audience in, which changes the atmosphere, but tickets sales are looking quick healthy for the rest of the nights so hopefully we'll have more shows and audiences like yesterday.

It will be sad when the show finally ends as the cast have got on so well with each other and new friendships have been formed, old friendships strengthed. I think the intensive (and disorganised) rehearsal schedule really made us bond. Time will tell if it lasts but right now they are a great group of people to hang around with and during quiet moments in the shows (and in the pub afterwards) we have the chance to amuse and counsel one another.

Ahhh... Peace & Love & Zen. You can definitely tell it's a Thursday and not a Monday in 'Meldaland.

Om My God

I got a pressie!

I found a nice little package at my door and in it was something I've wanted for a long time... and a couple of other unexpected goodies.


I always drooled over (new mum) Boho Girl's jewellery but missed my chance to get my hands on some when she stopped making jewellery to concentrate on her photography (gorge pics, I'd loved to be snapped by her. If only she/I lived closer!). Then I was contacted by the lovely Daniele from France who, with Boho's blessing, made a very nice gesture and offered to make me the necklace I wanted for such a long time. Et voila! It arrived this morning in a little brown box along with some French mint sweeties, fancy soap and a handwritten note in a card with my favourite colours on it (how did you know?).

Thank you Daniele. It was all totally unexpected and I'm wearing it right now as I type. I wish you all the best with your jewellery and online boutique.

This Time Last Year...

I didn't know it then but I was happy. I had settled into my new accommodation and I was shape. I was acting in a play with a large cast so made many acquaintances and new friends. I also had a crush on someone then, which was fun. ;-)

I'm having some good moments now and having a lot of fun with the people in my current play but a lot has happened this year and that takes some sorting out. When I think about this time last year I realise how less complicated life was. And I had two working eyes back them too.

This film and this song takes me back to that time. Love them both.

Food & Sleep

What more could a Mel want?

Not long back from the theatre after our second show and I'm sitting here with a big bowl of pasta and a cuppa tea. Niiiiice. Trying to ignore the fact that I've got a 9am conference call to Singapore in the morn and wondering if I'll get in trouble with my manager tomorrow for not making it stupidly obvious to someone to save a report as .xls and not .csv.

I'm so glad to be performing the show even though I'm completely knackered and have no time to do anything. The rehearsals were soul destroying, we had to replace one cast member as he's currently stranded in Italy and not allowed back into the UK due to visa issues and another cast member pulled out on Sunday. With such short notice the only way to get around that is to have his character played, via one cast member, by a hand puppet and voiced by another cast member. Crazy! Despite everything, we're having fun doing the show for real. Even when there's more cast members than audience as was the case tonight. We got through it as best we could. We've got six more shows to do so hopefully we'll get larger audiences (opening night was good). We've got the weekend shows coming up so people will be happier to stay out late in the knowledge that they won't have to get up for work.

Speaking of which, time I hit the sack. I've been getting no more than five hours sleep every night this week so I'm going to try for six tonight. I love sleep. And sleep loves me!

Looming Tech Rehearsal

I don't want to go to bed. If I do, I'll have to wake up and go to a mega-long tech rehearsal for my show. It has to be done but why does it have to take so long. We have to get there at 10:30am and have been told to expect not to leave until 10pm. I think I'll die. Or come close to it. I know I will certainly crack up and start speaking jibberish. Wel, more than I do normally. One tech rehearsal has me squeaking "chiiiiips" in a very high voice and conducting experiements on myself by seeing if I could actually do the splits. Turns out I almost could. I got quite close to the ground. So tomorrow/later today I will probably piss a lot of people off. I'm going to try to be not too annoying. I can annoy myself sometimes.

I'd really love a bit more free time right now. I've got stuff to do and a flat to clean! This show is going to take up the next 2.5 weeks. I do have two days off inbetween show runs but could really do with at least the evening before the opening show off too. We need rest! Professional actors have it easy, they don't have a day job to do on top of rehearsals/shows. :-p

I AM going to enjoy doing the show. It's just rehearsals I don't like. The buzz of having an audience makes it so much more fun.

P.S. I love this song from James Morrison and Nelly Furtado. Two of my faves!

The Mourning Blog For Ruth Lorenzo

So Ruth has been eliminated from X-Factor 2008 while complete and utter guff like Eoghan and Diana go on to the semi-finals. This is a very WRONG joke the voting public is playing on me/Ruth supporters. I'm now losing interest in the show and am no longer upset that I will be doing my play on the final show night. Go on pulic, enjoy your under-aged mediocre TALANT you dickheads. I'm going to wait patiently for the Lorenzo.

In the meantime feast your eyes on her second performance tonight which had me feeling a bit emotional at the end.

Why I Hate L.J.

• She smells
• She borrows too much money off me to pay for the GALLONS of Vagisil that she needs for her vagina.
• She's RIDDLED with vaginitis and it doesn't been to be clearing up.
• She gets a burning sensation when in public.
• When I was hospitalised and she came to visit me, I couldn't see her that well because of my broken eye. How do I even know it was her?
• She can't throw herself out of bed without splitting her foreheard wide open. If she had any brains they would have gushed out.
• She had an Akon song on her Going Out Music playlist.
• She got to go travelling and I couldn't. How rude!
• She's Scottish!
• She broke her bum outside Lisa Marie Presley's hotel.
• She secretly wants to be Debbie Rowe
• She wrestled with Citz on our living floor and messed up everything we had tidied.

X-Factor: Ruth Lorenzo For The Win

This is amazing.



At the time of writing she's still in the contest but the results show is coming up soon. Unfortuantely I don't trust the voting public. She's not a cute boy or in a cute boyband so it's not looking good. As usual, in competitions like these the women have to work extra hard but still get beaten by average male acts. Pfffft!

Friday Unplugged

No change to my general health. I've still got a monster cold, headaches and a wee cough a-brewing in my chest. Lovely. it's to be expected though. Winter is young, I have a busy schedule, I'm run down and my immune system is shot. I cannot wait for December 20th/21st when I should be back home for Christmas by then and I can look forward to a week of sleep, food and more sleep.

Despite feeling crap it came as a relief that Friday night's concert was a relaxing and chilled out affair. We even had seats to sit on. The unplugged concert took place in an auditorium and we got ourselves some good seats and a evaluation questionaire to ponder. The night started off with short sets from three great acts before Roachford got on stage. According to the host introducing him, he's been phoned by Michael Jackson and Prince. Niiiice! It was a short gig but a great show with a few favourites performed and the little singer within me twitching.

Oh, and earlier that night me and Ellie wandered around the venue and ended up crashing some reception on the first floor. I thought I was doing well with my "we SHOULD be here" confident attitude until we got discovered by the (free) bar-man who noticed the concert logo stamped on our hands (in place of a ticket) and we were told where to go... in a really nice, friendly way. I'm so rock 'n' roll!

Sniffles

I feel so rough at the moment. I've got another nasty cold and I'm sitting here with warm cheeks and a sore face. I need to take better care of myself. I got ill in June (try being a Stage Manager with a nasty cough - not easy!), and I think in July. Got ill in August while up in Edinburgh and now again. And I'm not even including all the eye problems/hospitalisation I've had to put up with in my past couple of months.

Edit: Checking through the archives, it seems that I was also sick in early April this year too!

I get a day off tomorrow so I can't wait for that. No work and no rehearsals. Although I'm going to a Roachford concert tonight (yay!) so need to get through that first before I can properly rest. At the moment I'm living on effervesent vitamin C, Sudafed and Lucozade. And Wispa bars too, even though I'm not getting much pleasure from chocolate. My sense of small has gone and there's an odd "sick" sensation in the back of my mouth/throat affecting my tastebuds. Throw my bad eye into the mix and that's 2.5 of my 5 senses impaired. This is ridiculous.

On a positive note, the "sense of despair" that's been following me around lately has subsided a bit now. Problems can be solved. I hope it stays like this.

Nice Lazy Day

Today I didn't leave the flat. Spent a lot of time lying around, sleeping and watching TV. I attempted to do a bit of tidying up but it hasn't much difference. I really wanted some chocolate but could muster up the strength to waddle outside, especially as it didn't sound nice out there too. I joined another theatre production last Sunday. I missed the audition recalls for this show because my I was having eye problems and in a lot of pain at the time. So I resigned myself to not being part of this production and was thinking what else I could do with my time until the director got in touch wanting me to come to rehearsals. I think some cast memebers mentioned my name to him. I am now back in the thick of things playing a unglamourous but fun character. Hopefully, I'll get a few laughs out of the audience from it, if not then I'll just look plain ridiculous!

Anyhoo, the show goes up in three weeks and it's a long run spread over two weeks so we are having intensive rehearsals and I am feeling it already so I was grateful for the "day off" today. The rehearsal schedule means that I'll little chance of a social life which will hopefully make it easier to save money and that's always a positive thing.

BTW: I LOVE Ruth Lorenzo on this year's X-Factor... and not just because she sang Purple Rain on one of the shows. Unfortuately I can't find that performance on YouTube as His Purple Assholeness won't allow us to share anything with his music or image on it so I'll link to her performance on yesterday's show instead. Ruth For The Win (not likely as she's Spanish, not a cute kid and doesn't have a sob story).

Obligatory US Election 08 Blog

....'cause I have to do it. While everyone else has been posting Obama/Election 08 related Facebook statuses (?), I've been quiet quite about the waiting to see what happend and trying not to raise my hopes too much. Plus I lack intelligence and eloquence to express myself well politically. Well, as this is an historic occasion and one that will be talked about in years/decades to come then I HAVE to say something now:

YAY PRESIDENT OBAMA, YAY!

Where was I when I heard? I crashed out in front of the TV last night as the results from each state were becoming to trickle in, waking every so often to see the latest news. Early morning I had a crazy dream about discovering I was 6 months pregnant and my sister was scanning my belly and relaying all the news back to my mum who was on the phone. The say I felt shocked and freaked out was an understatement. I woke up having a "Oh God, It was a dream.." moment before tuning my ears into the TV and hearing the confirmation that Obama had won.

Then I fell straight back to sleep. I still had a good 90 minutes until it was time to get up for work and I wasn't going to waste. Historic occasion or not! :-p

What I Want To Eat

I should start eating breakfast again in the mornings because until lunchtime (and beyond) I obsess about all the yummy food I want. Below is a list of what I want to eat, and where in the next month or two:

• Red penang curry from Thai Silk
• Chicken katsu curry from Satsuma
• Chicken katsu curry and grilled asparagus from Wagamamas
• Veggie burger and sweet potato mash from Nandos
• Spicy veggie dumplings from Itsu (Update: ate!)
• Sushi from Wasabi
• Spaghetti carbonara from The Picadilly
• Bagin (aubergine) from The Punjab
• Curry chips from my local chippy back home

Oh God, food - get into my belly now!

Mixed Emotions

It's freezing outside and I don't mind that much. I definitely need to buy some gloves though.

I'm such a mixed bag of emotions at the moment. Yes, I'm back in boring job with no money at the moment but I've got my show coming up tomorrow and other things happening in the next month to look forward too. I didn't get a part in my theatre company's Christmas show but then I can probably use the time spent rehearsing to get a part time job with. My vision in my left eye is still pathetic but my doctor spoke to me yesterday and told me how I could improve my vision. Out of all the appointments I've had and doctors I've seen no ones bothered to talk to me about how I can improve my vision so I was so happy yesterday when this doctor spoke to me about it. He even drew diagrams and everything!

(In a nutshell: a hard contact lense might help with focusing the light through my cornea but if that doesn't help there's always the option of a corneal graft. It has some small risks but it not as scary as I though it would be. So yes, it's good to have options)

So I'm not quite sure if I should feel excited or want to crawl back under the duvet and stay there until it's time to go home to the family for Christmas.

Questionaire From L.J.

Sent, upon request, by L.J. Some serious, some non-serious answers. Which is which?!

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
I finally got around to taking a proper look at Taking Flight and am getting twinges of inspiration. Weee!

WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?
22:45

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It says DELL on it.

FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?
Hungry Hippos

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
Spirit & Destiny. I'm putting all my faith into astrology

BABIES?
They taste nice with some Tabbasco sauce!

FAVOURITE SMELL?
Pizza, Curry Chips, Chicken Katsu Curry, Red Thai Penang Curry, Babies

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
When you’re watching Joseph and as Donny O sings "I will give you what you came for, and much more la laa..." and if you look behind him Maria Friedman is doing her dragon breath impression.

Oh, and life at the moment.

FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING?
Oh God, I'm so aloooone!

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
If it's a Witheld number or I don't recognise it then I let it go to voicemail.

FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Boy: Vulva
Girl: Slobodan

FAVOURITE COLOUR?
Blue-green, Pink, Purple

WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE?
Money. Attention. Looks.

FAVOURITE FOOD!
Pizza, Curry, Curry Chips.

IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Piano. Skin Flute

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
I imagine I would drive quite fast if I was ever allowed behind a wheel.

SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
They dont live in/on my bed

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
One of those toy cars that you have to charge up at the mains overnight. Was my brother's though.

WHO IS THE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
Maternal Gran. To find out more about her performing side when she was younger.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Champagne, only because as I don't drink, half a glass of this will get me merry.

WHAT'S IN THE BOOT OF YOUR CAR?
Plastic sheets. Shovel

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Aye.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Singer, actor, writer, artist, pr & marketing person, blood donor centre person.

EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Aye.

GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
It depends how my mood is at the time.

FAVOURITE MOVIE?
Saw 1-5, Gigli and Shooting Star: The JAckson 5 Movie!

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
No.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Dust, shoes, knickers

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST AMBITION?
To sort myself out and have some proper confidence

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
Broken left cornea.

IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Near a beach in Brazil.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
All the things I don't have yet. Stuff from Fat Face.

BEACH, MOUNTAINS OR CITY?
All three.

TECHNOLOGY OR ART?
A bit of both? I like some gagdets and some art

COMEDY OR HORROR?
Comedy.

FAVOURITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Face. Only beautiful people are allowed to approach me.

FAVOURITE TIME OF DAY?
Evening.

THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
It's been aaaages 'cause I've got no money. Really can't remember. Maybe Idina Menzel's album (original release and I got it signed by her!)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
Back. Though my legs felt good when I had a sports massage before the marathon

WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
Oh-errr... difficult. One can affect t'other.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
7.30

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE KITCHEN ITEM?
Food.

WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
Maria Friedman. Myself. Men. Stupid people.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
SUV, I can scare people more easily

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Dunno. I believe in something.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SEASON?
Spring/Autumn

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?Like the Japanese boy in Heroes, to travel through space and time.

DO YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Your mums face on meh boobeh!

CAN YOU JUGGLE?
I can juggle two balls.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE DAY?
Friday. Work is over and the weekend is young.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Sushi (although I have enjoyed the McDonalds M burger)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SOAP?
Sainsburys Coconut & Almond shower wash
TV show: can't be ar$ed thinking about it.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MEAL?
Pizza, Curry Chips, Chicken Katsu Curry, Red Thai Penang Curry, Babies

IF YOU COULD TAKE A VACATION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD IT BE?
NYC, Brazil, Hawaii (thanks to L.J. who raved about the place)

Bedtime!

The 24 hours of hourly eye drops turned into 120 hours. That ended this afternoon so I am off to bed shortly to have some uninterupted sleep. Eye is feeling and looking better. My sight had improved at the weekend (maybe due to the anesthetic or pupil dilating drops?) but is now extremely hazy again. More so that it used to be I think. Hopefully it'll improve slightly once I'm fully recovered form this recent problem and then more so over time. I think I could get really depressed about my vision if I allow myself but everything else is so shit at the moment that will do me no favours.

Up All Night

My task today is to give myself eyedrops every hour for 24 hours. Yes, that means throughout the night too so there is zero chance I'll get any decent sleep tonight. I don't actually mind too much because if this is what has to be done to prevent a repeat of my hospital stay in August then I'll do it.

The doctors yesterday decided that I should have my cornea scraped to eliminate the threat of a new infection flaring up which is how I spent my Saturday afternoon. Despite it feeling a little less painful that it had been and the doctor nothing that it looked better I still have some anesthetic whacked in my eye and then random needles and cotton wool swabs run over my eye to collect cells for analysis. Note: the "needles" were used length-ways and looked more like kirby grips. I wasn't being stabbed with them. Despite the anestheic I could still feel something, whetther is was pressure or tenderness and as soon as the doctor left the room for the moment I did have to have a cry. Not so much for the pain (because it wasn't too painful) but more for feeling a little bit violated and having to sit through something like that. I probably sound overdramatic but I didn't expect it to affect me that way.

So I've been putting the eye drops in since 2pm and will continue to do so until tomorrow afternoon. I have to go back in the morning so see what they grew from my swabs (if anything) and to decide upon the next course of action. The doctor thinks I could just need to get back on my steroid drops but we have to treat it as if there's an infection there until we can rule that out.

It's frustrating as I just want this to go away as quick as possible so I can continue with life and move on. I just want to get on with my new job (was there for 1 day before I got sick again) and earn some money and get back into a routine again. I want to look and feel good again so I can continue with all my performance plans (I had to cancel a casting for a chocolate advert this week becuase of the eruption in my eye socket). I really want the light sensitivity to go which will make working life and performing life so much easier to do.

I just have to be patient. Which is hard for me to do. Meh.

Ow Ow Ow!

Went to the eye hospital on Tuesday after my eye got red and sore again and was told I have some problem with the top layer of my cornea. Was given some eye drops and an antibiotics cream to rub onto my eye and was told that it should do the trick and I'll be fine in a couple of days.

Well a couple of days later and I'm still in pain. MORE pain actually. I'm taking strong co-codemol for the pain and it's making me feel sick and drowsy. The eye is not better, it feels and looks worse. Swollen and bright red. I tdoesn't seem to be getting better so I'm going back tomorrow to get it looked at again.

I'm really sick of this. I'm doing everything proper;y but I keep on having problems. I just want to get better and get on with my life but it's difficult to do so when I've spent the past 48 hours unable to open both my eyes. Hate this!

Promotion!

Got a call tonight from the director of the one night only show. One of the girls has pulled out so I've been asked to play their character instead (and write out my previous character). I'm happy with doing that as the new character has some fully lines/duologue but means I need to find and invest in some (cheap) stripper shoes. This calls for Ebay!

Learning Lines

Got the script today for the One Night Only show and will be having drinks with the whole group involved on Monday to discuss it. Will need to ask a few questions about my costume. I'm alright with playing a stripper I just need to know how much flesh I have to flash. I think I'll be covering myself up as much as possible with corsets, stockings... and a hoodie?! In the meantime I've got to get my lines down. There's not an awful lot to learn, a couple of chunky bits, but it's important I learn my cues and get the timing right otherwise the scenes will sound shite.

I've got some work sorted for Monday. I'm too tired to go into the whole thing and all the interviews I've been to this week and their outcomes but I'm staying positive that reminding myself that nothing is permenant and it is possible to have a good job that I enjoy.... someday.

In the meantime there's always my "second career" to focus on.

Post Show Life

Another show over. This one went well but I was only onstage for 5-10 minutes so not much chance of messing up. Even the girl-on-girl snog went well and I enjoyed hearing the audience's reaction to that every night. After the final show and Get-Out we began the aftershow party which turned into another all-nighter full of left-over party food and dancing to every genre of music possible. After a 3am snooze (see below) I got a second wind and returned to some energetic dancing (including the now famous, in my world, Jumping Boob Thrust Dance. I may make a video of that someday) and teadrinking. Rock on.




Me and a friend eventually left the theatre at at 12noon the next day. One of the cast members passed out on the sofa and we couldn't wake her at 8am so we snoozed on the sofas with her until she felt awake and sober anough to get home. We're nice like that!

On my way home I dropped into Drop-In Reiki. I always see this advertised at the start of every month but never get aroudn to checking it out. However after all my recent health problem and a flare-up in my bad eye on Thursday (got it checked out, no infection coming back and got some drops to help keep my cornea moist) I wanted to give it a go and see what it could do. I left the session feeling quite chilled and noticed that my sensitivity to the light in the clinic hallway had decreased. It was also nice to talk through recent events with the therapist and she gave me some advice to help with my eye. I think I'll give this a go next month again, at the very least it's relaxing and that's not a bad thing.

The therapist advised me to get an eyepatch to help with the photophobia and general eye recovery so I got one yesterday. I'm wearing it now as I type, feeling quite piratey, and I wore it all day yesterday (when indoors) and got lots of sleep. The eye is looking better for it (and for the ibuprofen I'm taking too?) so I shall continue to do so for a while. Arrrrrrr!

In among the job hunting (I might be starting an alrightish, not great paid job soon but still waiting the outcome on some applications so it's better than nothing) I'm preparing for my next show. It's a one-off show atthe end of the month, based on a play which I was a dancer in last year. A friend booked the venue so we had to think of something to fill it with asap so the writer is re-wrtiting one of her old plays to suit. I'll be getting the corset, fishnet and hotpants out again as I'll be playing a stripper (NO nudity!) and we will have very little time to learn our lines (haven't received the new script yet) and only 3 rehearsals. Sounds rushed (it is!) and stressful but I like that. It'll also count as a professional production which will be great to stick on the ol' (performing) CV and just to say out loud. Go me.

Life may be rubbish in some areas but it's looking not too shabby in others. Hurrah!

Only Positive Things

I'm trying to write something that's not all about me despairing about not having a job (still jobhunting, finally have an interview on Thursday) or my broken eye (infection gone but the huge scar is buggering up my sight and I've got the wait up to 6 months to see if/how much it fades) and that's probably the reason I haven't blogged in a while. So I'm going to focus on the positive stuff.

Despite everything I've been having a right old sociable time. Supporting the Edinburgh Cast in their new ventures, Friday night parties are dragged out until Sundays and finally getting some good quality rehearsals down for the show I'm in this week. it's come around sooner than expected, what with all the interuptions I've had in my life in the past 6 weeks, but I'm looking forward to evening time this week. It's always good to get back out on stage especially as this part, as small as it is, is a lot more juicy that the previous role.

I'm hoping things are going to look up after this week. This job I am being interviewed for sounds interesting and I think I would enjoy it there. Once I have a job I can begin to sort other things out and I can probably allow myself to sign up for a course or two and get on with all the things I was inspired to do while up in Edinburgh. I received an email last week from a writer/director I have worked with and we (the group) are planning lots of interesting performing things to do in the near future so I'm looking forward to working on that.

Time to end this mofo and redo my CV for an agency (major drag) and beautify myself for the show tomorrow night.

I Finally Have Internet!

I've had it since Thursday night actually. To quote my friend when I texted her the news: I haz shock!

Still stumbling through life in a half-blurry way. The eye is no better. It's healthy but I still can't see any better and they bluriness doesn't seem to be change. Still, must give it time... it'll probably be a gradual change so I can't expect any drastic improvement in a week. It's frustrating. I'm looking forward to the pupil dilating drops finally wearing off and my eye at least looking normal in the meantime.

Apart from that there's little else to talk about. I had a great weekend seeing Stevie Wonder in concert in Friday then have a lazy Saturday lying around eating junk and watching lots of (Prince) DVDs and TV. I'm preparing myself for jobhunting again this week and hopefully I'll have something, no matter how short a contract it is, by the end of the week. I just need one less thing to worry about. Make it happen!!!

Wee Update

I'm still without home internet and out of a job too so I'm hammering out a quick update in an internet cafe while I have the chance.

Lots has gone on since I last wrote. Went to Edinburgh and had an amazing but exhausting time. However 3 days before the end of my trip I was hospitalised with a really bad eye infection. I spent a week in hospital up there and I'm still recovering. The infection (a severe bacterial ulcer on my cornea apparently) has cleared up but there's still a little bit of inflamation. The bad news is that it's left a scar over my cornea that's blurring my vision in that eye and it may never clear up, therefore alway affecting my site in that eye. Time will tell though so I just have to hope it fades enough that it becomes unoticeable. Or, as everyone else keeps telling me, I could havea cornea transplant. *shudder*

So fingers crossed. I'm going to eat better and take vitamins and also trying not to stress about being jobless (they ended it while I was in hospital!!!!) and money so I make as best a recovery as possible.

Right, back to the jobhunt. I SHOULD have home internet soon (it's BT though so don't count on it. I've only had this problem for 2 months now.) then I can write more about Edinburgh. The good stuff!

Escape From London

I'm off tomorrow to stage manage my friend's show in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Hoping I don't screw up. I've only SMed one show before and it was on a much smaller scale to this one. Also finding the thought of two weeks off work and away from London quite daunting. There's still lots to do here and I should keep working and saving but I agreed to this a long time ago so there's no backing out now.

I might even learn to relax and bit and my insides might begin to feel better. These past couple of months have been upsetting and stressful and hopefully I can begin to sort things out now and relax a bit and move on. Yay! It's my birthday too in a couple of days (tasty Birthday dinner tonight!) so New Start, New Life and all that jazz. Looking forward to moving on jobwise. I need to do something that will not leave me frustratly in tears and wanting to rip my fingernails out!

I'm going to invest in some serious yoga classes when I get back. Partly to calm down and get my health back on track and pratly to prepare for my next role onstage as a glamourous lesbian!

Next blog: Edinburgh! :-)

Doing Stuff & Feeling Tired

Despite a promising early night on Friday the rest of my weekend was spent burning the candle at both ends and I am now quite knackered which is not good considering I'm performing this Wednesday - Saturday.

The weekend was spent attending various rehearsals for my own play and the musical I'll be working on in Edinburgh next month. In between those rehearsals and beyong I did a lot of socialising with cast members of both shows. Saturday night was spent in a swanky flat in London getting drunk on half a glass of champagne (I'm teetotal, it's not that hard), being pleasured by a massage chair and discovering my superb table football skills. I got home that night and had an admirable 7 hours sleep before I was back up and travelling to the theatre for our tech rehearsal.

After the tech ended earlier than usual I made my way over to the musical rehearsals and got to see the whole show performed which was a lot of fun. This is a fab show and I'd have loved to been part of it. Instead of being sensible by going home to wash a weeks worth of clothes and having an early night, I spent it in the pub downstairs with the guys from that cast, being loud and smutty as usual. I stuck to soft drinks and tea this time.

The fun never stops, as both shows are opening on Wednesday I've got a play dress rehearsal tonight and musical rehearsal tomorrow. If I could fit in a run somewhere that would be great (I'm feeling chubby at the moment) but it's not looking likely. Roll on Saturday and the chance to get some serious sleep!

Home From Home

I've been back all week but only writing now. I've not hada great week mentally and it's too tiring to go into details to even begin to explain what it's all about. It's a mixture of general tiredness plus having an awkward chat with my manager at work and then having an audition on Tuesday that I got really excited about, then disappointment as I probably won't get the part (in one of six small plays that will make up one whole show). Yes, I should be more positive and I know I did a good audition but the director has seen a few good people for this part and some of them, like me, he is friends with. I'm preparing myself for the worst anyway. In a nutshell tiredness + money woes + job woes + wanting something = crazy, tired, down in the dumps brain. However, I'm feeling a little better now.

This time last week I was back home and bonding with my newborn niece. I got to nurse her and feed her and helped my sister wash her. It's odd to think that my sister has a baby and I think it still hasn't sunk in for her too. I still have no desire to have children yet. Even though I couldn't stop staring at my niece and and fussing over her I'm still quite content to only have myself to look after. I took lots of pics but my suster has requested that I don't post any on the internet (on Bebo, Facebook etc.) and even though she doens't know about this blog I'll not chance it. So if you're a friend and a reeeeally interested then you can email me.

Today Is My Friday

I'm taking tomorrow off and will fly home to see my neice, sleep lots and gorge on curry chips. I'm looking forward to it at as it means the weekend begins tonight! As I have not moeny a tthe moment (not my fault, manager didn't sign off my timesheets) I'm also looking forward to not spending any money while I visit home. I have my mum to drive me to where I wanna go and she has a well-stocked fridge of food that I will guzzle.

Kicking off my long weekend by going to a play reading tonight at my theatre company, then home to play on my new computer. So glad it's arrived. I can start to feel normal again!

It's A Girl!

My niece, Eva, was born at 12:12pm today and appears to be taking after me already. Not only does her mum think she looks like me but she also tried to "come out" face face like when when I was being born. A promising start so far! ;-)

I've received a little camera phone pic of her (in which I think she looks like my sister, her mother) and have instructed my family to get some good digicam pics for me until I can get over to visit. Can't wait to go shopping for cute baby gilr clothes!

Baby Update

Right now my sister is in hospital in labour and due to give birth soon. Eeeeek! I'm going to be an aunt!

Watching The World Go By

I'm currently hotdesking in my new job and today I came in to find someone sitting in the desk I had been using for almost two weeks. After searching for a seat with a network cable I was suggested a place. By the window. A big full length window. Huge tall buildings in one direction and the east of the city sprawled out in another direction. I can sit up here and watch the cars/the DLR travel past, guys on the building site nearby working and I even saw the shadow of a plane above pass over us. Not bad. Shame this is only temporary.

Continuing on from yesterday's blog. I have fruit lined up on my desk ready to be snacked on throughout the day and I have every intention of going to a late bikram yoga class tonight. 22 days to go until opening night!

Fit And Fun?

The final blog for June and I wish it was one that made sense.

I'm in a weird place at the moment. I don't know if I'm happy or sad and it feels strange.

Well, that seems to be as much as I can say on that. Onto general stuff. Had a sociable weekend filled with rehearsals, a production meeting, a birthday dinner and a glam night out at a burlesque party. Although the party did reinforce the fact that I need to lose weight again. I could curse my job ending backing in April as it threw me off my healthy, running routine. Now I need to relcaim my toned marathon bod despite lacking the desire to actually move. However, I shall because I have an eventful two months ahead that I want to look good for. A few bikram yoga sessions and a couple of runs will get me back to my old self. It will be a welcome relief to get that feeling of energy and health back as I've spent this entire month feeling crap and run-down. I'm making myelf eat more fruit (and a little veg) and will cut out the fizzy drinks. Well, I'll try.

Life Interuptions SUCK. Here's to a fit and theatrical July.

(BTW: There are some naughty burlesque pics of me and my friend online. Go find 'em!)

The Dublin & Brighton Travel Blog!

Overdue, but anyway....

Despite feeling disappointed about the Prince concert in Dublin and me stressing out, wondering if I could justify to spend money on a trip away at a time like this, I actually had an enjoyable time in Dublin and don't regret going away now. I was sitting outside a deli near the River Liffey at 10am on a Monday morning with my friends and it occured to me that I need to do this more often. I haven't had a holiday for years and when in London I'm usually wrapped up in 50 things happening at the same time so it was nice to slow down on a Monday morning know that I was "getting away from it all". Especially and the previous two weeks were the most stressful working weeks I've ever had.

Much of our time in Dublin was spent walking around the city and chatting and eating as none of us were in the position to spend, spend, spend. We spent out first night in Dublin watching Sec & The City at the 17 Screen Cineworld, and the next night we saw Prince tribute band Purple Reign perform. They was great and it was an enjoyable night and I even shed a little tear as the played Gold at the very end. I've always wanted to hear this song live and if the Wee Purple One won't play it for me, then I'll settle for his tribute band.

The day after we travelled up to Belfast so I could see my heavily pregnant sister (and parents) and touch her bump. Despite now being past her due date, at time of writing there is no baby yet.

Brighton was a short but enjoyable 26 hour trip. Once I have got back into a financial routine and have some money I definitely want to spend a long weekend there shopping, socialising, and frolicking in the sea. I was happy that I got to do some sea-frolicking this time as I didn't last time and I can't remember why it didn't happen. I went to the beach with Clarissa at 3am due to some drunken gay drama back in her flat and spent some time staring into the waves and darkness (with a lit-up Brighton pier in my periphal vision) thinking about life and stuff. The next day we went back and armed/footed with flip-flops enjoyed a good splash in the water. I don't know why I insit on doing it so much, probably my buried hippie wanting me to get back to nature and connect with the elements maaaaaan.

And now I'm back in London.

Dublin

Final show tomorrow night and then on Sunday I'm off to Dublin for 3 days. I was supposed to be going to a Prince concert but the promoters cancelled (apparently they sold tickets before he'd even signed a contract) and have therefore buggered everything up for us. It's such bad timing at the moment as I don't have a lot of money and really need to keep working, but everything is booked and other people are excited to go so I'll go on the trip and then worry about finances when I get back.

Sucks that it has to be this way but can't be bitter about it otherwise I won't enjoy myself. I might get the chance to visit pregnant Sister. She might even give birth while I'm there!

So that's the plan for the next few days. Looking forward to having a lie in tomorrow and catching up on some sleep before I head of fto the theatre. I and so ill and tired, it's beyond belief.

Back To Theatre Life

I'm on my way to the theatre where I will be performing in tonight's show as.... a stage manager. I've discreetly (I hope) printed out some programmes at work and I'll need to manically put the pages together on the tube on my way there.

This will be a different experience for me to work behind the scenes. It's one I'll get to repeat in the next production even though I'm acting in it. As it's such a small part there will be plenty of time for me to hang about backstage doing stage managery things. I'm looking forward to getting a bigger role in something in the near future. I might be beginning to have a little faith in my abilities, I'd like to test that out.

Cheeky Blog From Work

Thought I jot something down here before I leave in 5 minutes. Sadly I can't say that my first blog of the month is anything insightful or exciting. I have been in an odd mood recently and extremely tired, no matter how much rest I get. I've been working by myself that past couple of days (my co-worker is on holiday) and it's been quite rough at times. It's a very busy job and one were I am dependent on others bothering to get back to me with availability in their diaries, accepting meeting invited I send out etc. Half the job is do-able, it's the other half that causing problems and holding up the rest of my work.

My manager is aware of the problem and understands. So I can only do as much as I can and is osme interviews don't get booked until the following week... well that's the way it is. I've been talking to myself today, trying to be more positive. I might be getting there, I just need to take care of a couple of things first and to get some rest. I think the stress of the past month, learnign the new job and other unmentionable factors have just wore me down in the end. I can't take time off work and it's too busy here to do so and my evenings are busy with rehearsals, for the plays I'm acting in and stage managing. Next week is the run of one of these plays so most of my time will be spent doing my stage manager duties. After that's over I'll head to Dublin to do some Prince worshipping. That counts towards rest, doesn't it?

God I hope my life becomes more interesting soon.

Em Breve

Job going okay. Set build for the play I'm (assistant) stage managing this weekend, I assume I'll have more stage manager duties as it's gets closer to opening night. Have had the first rehearsal for the play I'm acting it. I'm not doing a lot. Spent the weekend helping my friend audition people for his musical and watching Eurovision. I like the pirates, the angel vs. devil song and the Greece entry. Greece should have won. Didn't sleep much at the weekend and I'm still knackered. Feeling weird today and I'm trying not too. I hate emotions. Got the shoes I wanted today.

Some Things Change

Okay, so things aren't as bad as I made them out to be in the previous post. Yes, I'm still despairing about something in particular and I'm too scared to look at my bank statement to see how little money I have after being out of work for 4 weeks... but there have been some improvements.

I started the new job on Wednesday which is a relief! It's nothing special, it seems to involve organising a lot of meetings and interviews which doesn't thrill me but I'm happy enough to do it for a short while and maybe look for something else after July/August. I'm just glad to be EARNING again.

After I left the internet cafe on Sunday I received a voicemail from the director of the play I tired out for offering me a part. It's a very small part but I'm still happy to do it. Especially as most of the parts went to friends whom I've worked with before so this should be good fun. It'll be a nice way to spend July. I want to get cast in a bigger, chunkier role in something soon so I'm still having a look around for future production and hopefully something will come up.

I've discovered a new shop close to my new job that I love (www.fatface.com) and as soon as I have the money I'm going to shop 'til I drop in there. It's hella cute! I already spotted a cute pair of pumps that I wanted but when I went back after to purchase them I found out the some WHORESLUTWENCH had beaten me to it. I was dismayed. But not for long. The lovely staff phoned around and found another branch that stocked them in my size. I'm just waiting for the call to go pick them up. Lovely.

I really want my computer fixed. There's so much I want to do.

Make It End!!!

In such a weird mood at the moment. Tired, groggy, annoyed, frustrated, upset etc. etc. I want to start working (even though the job doesn't thrill me) so I can begin to make money again and relax and begin to sort out my finances. I didn't hear back about the audition I had on Thursday so that wasn't sucessful. Need to start working out again because I've gained some weight and don't feel good about it. I know it'll all pass in time but that doesn't help me right now.

It hasn't been an entirely crap weekend. I went to see a really good stand-up comedian on Friday night, met Idina Menzel yesterday at a CD singing (but my camera ran out of battery power so I couldn't get pics) and saw a fun burlesque show last night. I'm going home soo to watch TV and stuff myself with curry and other fun foods. Monday is the start of a new week and I guess anything can happen.

Chess

I went to see Chess - In Concert at the Royal Albert Hall last night starring one of my favourites, Idina Menzel. The songs were great, the music amazing and the vocal performances were powerful.... there was just one problem. The acoustics in RAH were so bad that I couldn't make out 90% of what the cast were singing/saying. This isn't the first time it's happened. The Darren Hayes concert in October was a great show, great concept, great effects but let down by lack of clarity with the vocal. RAH - sort it out!

I still managed to enjoy the show. I quickly went over Act 1 with my friend who knows it well in the interval to make sure I had the right idea about the storyline. Great to see Idina again (going to another CD signing on Saturday) and great to see Josh Groban perform and Adam Pascal (the Renthead in me) too.

Makes me wanna sing again!

Almost A Working Girl Again

So I kinda, almost have a new job now. After what happened with the last job offer I'm not confirming it until I walk into reception on Monday morning and get my ID badge. It's not the job of my dreams and it's in a new location (so I have to search for a new gym/yoga studio/beauty salon) which is annoying but it's money and it's better to have anything right now than nothing. (I've also been put forward for a job that pays more so fingers crossed I get that one and can do some payrate bartering with New Job) Now I can begin to sort out my life. I've done nothing on the list below, and it's getting on my nerves now. I can feel the chubbiness creep back on. I need to get my Run on.

In the meantime I'm doing a 1 day job at a design company tomorrow. They want my Powerpoint skills. Hilarious, because although I always do really well on job agency's compentency tests, I've not used it that much in my working life and I'm worried that they're expecting some presentations whizz-kid to come in and hammer something out in a flash. I've got a Teach Yourself Powerpoint book at home so shall have a look at that tonight and try to cram as much knowledge in as possible.

This keyboard sucks and this internet cafe is so dirty. I'll be reaching for the Wet Ones as soon as I leave.

I'm In An Internet Cafe

My computer died on Thursday so now I have to use an internet cafe until:
a) I fix the computer (somehow)
or
b) Buy a new one (even though I have no job = no money)

Not much else has changed. Trying to stay positive and this cute little cafe is helping slightly. It's in a subway connect to a tubestation so I've have underground. It's also not a smally or dirty s the big random internet cafe on Charing Cross Road.

Right, the're closing soon so I need to print out some job stuff (interview tomoz) and log off.
Laterz.

I Want To...

(in the next few months)

• Lose a stone
• Cut my hair short
• Go to the beach
• Decorate the flat
• Sort out finances
• Buy new funky clothes
• Tan my legs
• Run a couple of 10Ks

No Change

Still no word of a new job. Everything is slow and quiet at the moment in the job market so it's taking extra long to find something. So frustrating. I hate putting my life on hold while I jobhunt.

Apart from that non-update there's not much else going on. Need to get back to running on a more regular basis. I've got a Prince concert next month that I need to look hot for! ;-)

Back To Life

I haven't died. I'm still here. The day after doing the marathon I was told that my job contract was ending. My last day was Monday 21st and I'm concerned/stressed/preoccupied with finding a job. I did think about updating the blog a lot earlier but couldn't bring myself to it. I just didn't have the energy to write about how things have changed. I still don't want to write too much write now but I realised that today is the last day of April so I thought I'd bring everyone up to speed.

Once I find some employment I will free up some space in my mind to write about recent events, especially completing the marathon.

Get Well Soon

I've spent the last week suffering from the cold and general run down-ness and exhaustion. I'm trying to be positive and tell myself it's butter to have got sick last week instead of this week... but I'm still ill! Still with cold and now getting a bit of a cold and I'm still exhausted. Now I'm officially tapering so I can just stuff myself with healthy but yummy & carby food and I only have to do a couple of easy runs so hopefully I should feel much better in 5 days.

I appreciated the snow yesterday. I tried do go for a run in it yesterday morning but ended up run-walking for 40 minutes. Oh well, I tried.

Ouch!

I came, I saw, I conquered the 16 mile race yesterday. And I did it on 2.5 hours sleep. I got invited to see Hairspray at the last minute the night before so I was late getting home from that. The clocks going forward one hour didn't help matters, not when I had a taxi booked for 6am to take me to the train station. Somehow I managed to wake up and get myself to the start line.

I joined the Run-Walk pacer and ran it that group which was a big help. If I felt tired running I couldn't give up as easily as I would if I had been runing on my own. I was able to push myself and when it got really tough in the last mile and few words of encouragement was able to spur me on, especially in the last 50 metres when I was approaching the finish line. My right leg doesn't feel too healthy today (but I won't worry about that yet) but I'm glad I did it and pushed myself. I know I can do 16 miles now, I just need to worry about the final 10 come marathon day.

Now I'm back in the real world, back at work and time to focus on other things for a few hours.

Too Early For Me

Nothing interesting to say except that it's 7am and I'm up instead of snoozing in my bed for as long as possible. Woke up around 5:30am and couldn't get back to sleep. Thought I'd get up and go to the gym but might just go into work early, work (and get paid for) and extra hour and then gym it at lunchtime as usual. Gives my wee legs some extra time to recover from yesterday. There's a dodgy ache in my right hip joint but I'm not going to get too worried about it yet.

That's all! Four day working week - Hooray!!!

12 Down, 16 To Go (Then 26)

Waking up yesterday morning and feeling completely uninspired by the wind/rain/snow/dullness outside I decided to go back to sleep and run today instead. I made myself go to Bikram yoga last night though so it wouldn't be a completely inactive day. Today's weather wasn't great but it was easier to make myself run today and run I did. Twelves miles in 2 hours 10 minutes. Thirteen miles would have been ideal but going by the training schedule I was only supposed to run/walk for 2 hours only and my wee tired legs were almost giving up near the end. I do wonder if my tiredness when approaching the end of a run could be something mental. I do notice the tiredness more as soon as I've past the half-way point and drinking the right fluids and eating the right gels today didn't seem to so much good. Is a little part of me allowing myself wind down too early because the end is near?

This Sunday coming I will be participating in a 16 mile run along with a thousand other people so it will be great to experience taking part in an actual race with others and I can also see how well I'll cope with the length and duration of it. The cut-off point for completing the race is 3.5 hours but I hope to complete it in 3 hours. As it starts early in the morning, I'm just going to focus on the huge lunch I plan to have once I reach the finish line. Yum.

Continuing with running news, following a conversation with a friend last week I've now decided to enter the Dublin marathon in October. Part of me thinks I should wait to see how horrible the first marathon is before I sign up and pay the registration fee, part of me is so excited to do it that I wan't to register straight away (or as soon as I get paid). I must be crazy!

This Is Going To Hurt

Tomorrow is Big Run Sunday and I have set myself the goal to run 12-13 miles in 2 hours. I managed 10 miles last Sunday so I want to improve on that to prepare for the 16 miles run I've entered next Sunday. However, the weather is absolutely rotten at the moment, especially today when I got sleeted on and it's showing no signs of improving before 11am tomorrow. I'm not sure what I'll do, I'll really need to find some special inspiration to make me run outside for 2 hours in 2 degrees weather with strong winds, rain and snow getting in the way too. I could always run on the treadmill, with an incline, for a couple of hours.... but it's not the same.

Just had another thought to me. I could always run on Monday as I'm off work. My friend is will be coming over to help me decorate that day but I could always get up earlier and run then. There won't be a dramatic improvement in the weather but it will be sunnier. And hopefully the miserable blustery, windy, rainy, freezing unpleasentness will have calmed down a little. I could go to a Bikram yoag class instead tomorrow and stretch myself out. Ninety minutes of yoga in a stiflingly hot room sounds much more appealing right now. If I'm disciplined enough to make sure I run on Monday, then Sunday yoga could be an option.

Running long distances is hard enough, I don't need the weather making it harder for me. Boooooo!

Another New Focus

This morning, while I was brushing my teeth, I decided that I am going to write a play. It sounds like such a simple decision to have made but carrying out the task in hand will be very interesting/difficult. I've been thinking a lot about doing some writing in recent months inspired by attending rehearsed readings of my friend's plays and taking part in the the "home-made" musical recently and meeting aspiring writers through that. I used to write in my early teens and then I stopped. I think that's when I tried to become a songwriter so my focus changed.

I decided to be more commited to reading books as I believed that "ingesting" new words would help me become a better writer. I'm still trying to commit fully to this but I'm getting there. I've started reading 4 books since the start of the year so now I am forcing myself to stick to one at a time and to not start/buy anymore books until that one is finished. It didn't work, I bought another 3 on Friday but I can always try again. This pretty much sums me up. Always flitting between a couple of projects, never pausing on one long enough. Then a new idea comes along and I get carried awy with that and other things in my life are set aside and then maybe I come back to them later. Now it's happening again.

So this morning as I was getting ready for work I was thinking about one of my theatre groups and how the writing stages of the next play we are producing are almost completed (by the woman who was the make-up artist on our last show) and the idea just came to me. Why not write something for the group to consider as a third production? I am a creative person and I must be able to dig deep and come up with a funny, quirky and smart little play, re-write it, present it to the group and even if it's not chosen to be a future production, it's still mine. All mine. So this goes onto the mental "Things To Do In 2008" list. Now all I need is an idea to get started with.....

Eat, Sleep, Run

I'm feeling quite bright and perky this morning, probably helped by the fact that it's a Friday and Fridays are always good. I have spent this week working, training and sleeping and not much else. I had no social engagements and even decided not to go to the audition for the play I'm interested in (I can still audition on Sunday) in favour of getting home nad relaxing in front of the TV with a nice bowl of Red Thai beef curry. My body was crying out for that all week (subcousciously telling me I need more iron in my diet maybe?) so I listened and had a very tasty Thursday evening in.

I've been feeling very sleepy all week despite getting a reasonable amount of sleep. My trianing must now be taking it's toll on me so all I can do now is eat well and sleep well. How did I ever manage to work full-time, training and perform in 6 shows only 4 weeks ago. I was tired then but I wasn't as sleepy as I feel at the moment. I guess that's just the way my body responds to a lot of exercise.

I've signed up for a 16 mile run at the end of the month so how I cope with that will be very interesting and will gve me and idea of how I'll cope with the marathon itself. I'm going to look after myself and train well in the meantime and hopefully that run will go well and build up my confidence for running the actual marathon 2 weeks later. Fingers crossed. I've been talking all about this non-stop to everyone and I'm sure they must be bored. I bought my running shoes and heart rate monitor on Monday and when I got home my official London Marathon magazine was waiting for me full of information on the race day. So now I'm packed full of information and it's all I ever talk about now. It's probably for the best - a feat this big, I NEED to get obsessed about it.

A Little Bit Of Me Onstage

This is me (in pink) on stage in my most recent show. I have lots more including backstage pics to share but at the moment I'm just working from what's on my work computer.

*sigh* Missing the stage...

The Positive List

I've been in an odd "down" mood lately and I understand where a little bit of that is coming from but the rest of it can't be down to post-show blues, can it? While doing some random reading on some random blogs earlier today I realised that I need to not focus on the negative things but instead focus more on the positives. Now, I love a good list so I've made a (unfortunately short) list of things I need to be happy about in my life at the moment:

1. With all my marathon training I am getting fitter and getting more toned and in better shape.
2. I've made a new network of friends and acquaintances through my theatre comapny and shows and I am seeing more of London theatre because of them. And being more sociable in general
3. Even though everything is quiet now, I am confident that I will get more performing opportunities soon.
4. Clarissa will be having her new flatwarming party soon so I can plan a nice visit to Brighton and paddle in the sea soon.

I'll have a longer think (without the distraction of the office around me) and try to add more to it tonight.

Filling The Void

With the musical over and my leg feeling better and me getting some energy back into this body, my thoughts can now fully turn too the near future. Not that I've ever NOT thought about what's coming up next in my life but I've survived nearly two weeks with rehearsals or performing so I think I can last just a little longer.

I've already got two shows in mind that I want to work on (well, 3 actually but as the director of that play is slowly recovering from an illness, we're still a little unsure if his show is still going ahead). The first is a musical and the auditions are this Sunday. It will certainly be an interesting audition as I haven't set foot back into their rehearsals rooms since I had the Worst Audition Ever there 18 months ago and for 1 minute I decided to give up performance as I momentarily believed that I'd never be any good. Obviously I got over that and went on to bigger and brighter things and I will have to take those with me into the audition room this weekend and gain strentgh from that. I've sung in public now, on stage, in front of maybe 300-ish people altogether and I didn't die. Nothing bad happened. I even surprised a few people who didn't know I could sing. So I have nothing to be afraid of this Sunday. I can sing in front of others, I have a good audition song and I know I can sing it well. I just have to hope ghosts of auditions past don't show up.

The next show is a play with a company I have not yet worked with. The character I am very interested in has been described as "bonkers yet fiesty" which sounds like something I could easily do. The audition's not for another couple of weeks so I've got time to psycho myself up for it and practise a bit of self-hypnosis and "big up" myself.

In the meantime I seem to be keeping myself busy with training, piano lessons, theatre trips (and the Alicia Keys concert tonight!) and other random interests. I'm giving serious consideration to seperate acting and singing courses that I think will be a big help to me. I'm also keen to get writing again, just for fun, so I'm reading a lot more than usual and am looking out for a creative writing workshop/course to help me get started again. There seems to be so much I want to do right now and even though there is now show looming on the horizon, I still seem to be short of time to get everything done. I like it though. Maybe I'm compensating for lacking something else in my life but I like to constantly move forward and aim towards something. The marathon is a huge goal to work towards yet I'm still not satisfied by that. The creative side of me needs to keep moving at all times. Even in times of rest.

After Show, Aftermath

I'm slowly getting over the events of the past two week. Slowly. I spent last week in a trance as I was so run down from doing the show the week before and I still had a busy evening schedule. Nothing ever really changes. I was also in quite a bit of pain due to a mishap at the aftershow party so that was quite draining and depressing too. More on that later.

The rest of the show run carried on without any drama until the final day. It was Saturday, we had two shows to do that day and most of us singing solos were lsoing our voices. I wasnt too bad as I didn't have a big chuck of solo bits to sing and my throat was in not as bad a state as some other, but I was still extremely worried especially as my friends were all coming to the evening show to see me, including Kelly who was flying in from home that afternoon to see me. I got through the matinee (one of the othe cast member's songs had to be cut to save her voice for the later show), I sang my song and I managed to croak out something half respectable. A few people backstage told me it still sounded good so I felt a bit comforted by that.

Then came the evening show as it really was quite unbelieveable. I had such a good run up to then and felt I gave good performances, however everything seemed to go wrong in my scenes on that final show. Props didn't work so we had to improvise, doors wouldn't shut that needed to be shut, some old woman fell flat on her face during one of our song & dance numbers, I messed up my lines a bit at one moment and had to recover from that. I felt quite annoyed at myself for jumping to the next line and did feel like tearing up in the interval, but it's something to learn from. I must remember to forbid my friends with big booming laughs to laugh when I am onstage as this can be quite distracting! I guess it all had to go wrong for me in at least one show, it will be something I can look back on and laugh about. The important thing is that the audience, unless they'd been to a previous show, didn't notice the mishaps so we seemed to do a good job or working around them.

Like with my play in December, we had another all night aftershow party. Cheesy music, alcohol (cola for me) and outrageous dancing. It was there I did myself a mischief. If doing a backward bend and falling on my head wasn't enough I then threw myself into doing the splits, however as I was wearing no shoes this time, I slid down faster than expected and pulled a hamstring. The rest of the night was spent with me limping around in pain and the odd outburst of freaking out about what my personal trainer would say. By 5:30am the party had definitely died down into a group of drunk people just biding their time in the theatre until the tube opened and we could all go home. Yet, by the time us sober/semi-sober people tidied and cleaned the theatre and rounded up everyone else, it was 8am when we finally left. After making it home with Kelly I passed out on the sofabed and snoozed for a couple of hours before getting up again, determined not to waste the day.

I took Monday off as I was in no state to work and on Tuesday I made my way to my personal training session waiting for my punishment. Lots of upper body work and a good hamstring stretch-out and the advice "don't be the hero" followed. Luckily now my leg is feeling much better (although I won't officially recover for another fortnight) and I'm getting back into my training schedule. I need to make up time out of action last week and with no show to do now and more time on my hands it's going to get a lot tougher. Help!

Pics of the show will follow as will a lot on pondering on what to do now, what to read, what acting course to take, should I try creative writing etc. I'm on a roll and I want it to stay that way.

Mid-Show Run Report

I've just had my yummy banana porridge and wholemeal toast breakfast and am now sipping some Raspberry & Echinacea tea and trying to stay healthy while I procrastinate (instead of sorting out that report I was approached about yesterday). Yesterday morning I woke up completely shattered and was so tired throughout the entire day. This morning I feel a little better. Still tired, which is to be expected with a schedule like mine at the moment, but just getting out of bed alone did not exhaust me so that's an improvement.

I still have 4 more shows to do and I'm looking forward to doing them all even though it feels like I've done the entire run already. Opening night went well despite nerves a a slight technical hitch in one of the scenes (not mine). When i had a moment to pause I did find myself feeling sick with nerves at having to singing solo (in places) in front of an audience, but when it came time to do it I pulled it off, surprising a couple of people who knew me but didn't know I could sing. That was encouraging and I was raring to go sing again on the second night of the show. Come Saturday night I will be probably be sick with nerves again as I'll have quite a few friends in the audience watching me and anticipating my singing number. Eeeek! I have to remember that I've sung in public now and I didn't die so what the worst that can happen when I sing again?

Despite the tiredness and other things.stresses in my life I am really happy to be doing this and the thrill of every show just reminds me why I love doing this so much and why I put myself through all this. I hope this year I can finally take a big step away from the corporate life and move closer to the creative life.

Don't Stop Moving

As I didn't have the chance to do it at the weekend, I went for my 30 minute non-stop running at lunchtime today. I was pleasently surprised at how I coped with it. It seemed to be a lot easier than the last time I did it/ Even though I wasn't in a pretty state near the end it wasn't as painful as the last time and I noticed that it took longer for me to feel out of breath and I didn't feel shattered upon completing the 30 minutes (am feelign a little sleepy at the moment but it's nt a quick walk won't sort out). I'm hoping it wasn't a fluke and that the small amount of training that I've done so far is paying off. I'm more excited about my future runs and am raring to go. However, I need to not wear myself out, especially this week.

I had a busy weekend filled with rehearsals, dance rehearsals and a very long tech rehearsal. We spent 11 hours at the theatre last night and wI as so over-tired that I had to do the splits and joke about slang words (for ladies private parts!) repeatedly to keep me sane. I also did my fair share of socialising at the weekend too. What's wrong with me? I'm becoming normal! On Friday night the cast of our show all had dinner out at an Indian restaurant which was delicious and afterwards went to the pub for drinks and gossip. I should have taken it easy on Saturday night but meet up with some friends (from my previous show) and we went out for Lebanese food. At the restaurant we proceeded to have the filthiest conversation that the other diners ever had the misfortune to hear and I doubt that we will be allowed back in the establishment next time. It was such a laugh though and well worth buring the candle at both ends and spending too much money for.

Today is Monday which means that after work I have the dress rehearsal which hopefully won't go on too late, after which I will be racing home for some serious Zzzzzzs in preparation of the first performance tomorrow night. Work, run, perform, work, run, perform.... will be the plan for the next 5 days. Hopefully I'll be able to fit eating, washing and sleeping in somewhere. Wish me luck!

Marathon Training Stuff

I've got about 10/15 minutes to kill here before I head off to the gym for my daily-ish run. I guess I can now say that training for the marathon is well underway and with less than 10 weeks to do I should hope so!

Training by myself was getting me nowhere fast so I'm paying precious pounds for a personal trainer and as expensive as he is/will be I feel much more confident about running the marathon now for doing it. I've always given up running and turned into a wheezing mess after a couple of minutes but on Friday I was astonished to complete a 30 minute run without stopping. The difference here was that my trainer never left the treadmill while I was on it and was noting down my heartrate at various times to gain an accurate reading of my fitness so I felt that I had no choice but to keep on running. I have learned that as tired as I may feel initially, not to give up straight away. If I do that I may just surprise myself.

So now I have a training plan and a weekly workout session with the trainer which I must rigidly stick to if I'm to have any hope of crossing that finishing line at 26.2 miles with my limbs and health still intact. I need to do a walk-run Monday to Thursday, have Friday off, do a non-stop 30 min un on Saturdays and then a long (1-2 hours) walk-run on Sundays. God knows how I'm going to stick to this next week with my show taking place Tuesday - Saturday on top of my full-time job. I'll also have to find time to rest and sleep on top of all this so I'm in good form the running and shows. I'll find a way.

After next weekend finding time to train should be a lot easier as for the first time in 8 months I will not be rehearsing and/or performing in a show. I'm slightly agitated about this but I need to realise that it's for the best and I CAN have a little break from doing shows at times. I just need to abstain for 2 months then after April 13th I can sing, dance and act until my wee heart's content!

The Last Day of the Month

I'm feeling quite happy about leaving January behind and moving on. It's been such a rollercoaster month full of (brief) happiness and sadness, frustration, anticipation, disappointment, inspiration etc. Now I'm looking forward to staying focused on a couple of projects and to grow and develop more as a person and a performer.

In February I will sort out my finances so I'm not always stressing out about them in the back of my mind. I will begin proper training for the London Marathon with my personal trainer. Until now I'm been making do with jogs here and there and yoga class but I need to train harder now so I am as prepared as I can be. It will cost a lot (the trainer) but it will be worth it. I will perform in my show. It's a silly, non-serious, fun role but I shall perform it as best I can and learn and develope more as a performer. I will hopefully become more relaxed on stage so I can perform better and show people (and myself) just exactly what I can do.

I also need some time to seriously consider some courses and classes I am interested in. I need to judge if they will be value for money and how they will benefit me in the long run. So lots of thinking and doing coming up in the next month.

Time for Change

January has been a funny and confusing month which is unusual for me. I don't tend to get that depressed in January like everyone else does. While I enjoy the festive season, I'm eager for things to get back to normal so I can get on with achieving and doing much in my life, especially as every year I say to myself "This is THEE year, when everything will happen for me". Nothing really does happen but I believe it in that moment.

My current job has been trunddling along nicely and even though I'm understimulated in the workplace, it's not a place I dread to be when Sunday evenings roll around. I have noticed that this past week I have been sitting here slowly getting more and more miserable and frustrated with being rooted to one spot for so long each day when there's so much to do out there. I appreciate my job for the money it brings in and what it pays for and I've made no secret that I hope my contract will be renewed, but right now I want something to change. I need to use my time more productively. I have friends in jobs that they WANT to do, have trained for or is a step closer to where they want to be and meanwhile I'm still pissing aorund entering reams of data and chasing up people for uncompleted reports. I've done this for such a long time and all I'm doing is wasting my time and nothing frustrates me more.

On a smaller scale, I've also been thinking about where I live, if I could/should move etc. And study. And travel too. I need to sort my finances and then make some decisions this year.

I blame the recent trip to the palmreader for this. And life.

Btw: I hate T-Mobile. Go visit. ;-)

Life In January

Things seem to be ticking along nicely and life is getting back to it's busy and "timeless" self. Rehearsals are underway for the next show I will be in (in February), my social life is slowly getting more busy, I've bought a 10-class card for Bikram yoga becuase I need it after Christmas and training is underway for the Marathon in 3 months.

Hopefully my job contract is being extended for another couple of months as this will give me the chance to save some money and avoid jobhunting at the moment as I really can't be bothered with it and despite the job being boring, I'm happy where I am. Plus, my computer is on it's last legs and will need to be replaced very soon. I have an eye on one but will need confirmation on my job situation before I hand over my dinheiro.

Sergio is leaving on Tuesday so I should be able to get into a better routine. I will miss him though. despite Christmas and New Years and the party season being well and truly over it still doesn't feel like I've gone back to the regular "January Blues" life as things are always interesting when he's around. Maybe when he leaves and I have to force myself out of bed at 6am for runs/classes in the gym THEN the humdrum of normal life will catch up with me but for now everything's just dandy. Nothing is perfect but everything is rolling along nicely.

Life in the New Year

Time for me to update this mofo! I began writing a blog on the night I came back to London but for some reason lost to will to finish it and crashed out on the sofa instead. I should have been welcoming Sergio into my new flat the following day, but due to a problem with his passport (it went missing for 3 hours) he arrived 24 hours later than planned on the Sunday.

It's been a lot of fun having him here. Although we haven't done many activties, we have been pissing around and talking rubbish and cracking ourselves up laughing at things that are only funny to us. We are planning a couple of theatre trips and dinner with friends while he is here.

New Years was spent with us making it to the Sounth Bank at 11:50pm and ending us wedged in the crowds of thousands. The crush got quite bad at one point and it was quite scary however, we survived and while trying to get out I got groped and kissed a few time by guys taking their chances with a girl who arms were wedge by her sides. Nice. We reached the Imax theatre and decided to keep walking in the opposite direction away from the crowds, perverts and the fights beaking out. We reached London Bridge and met up with a couple of guys from my play so got a few more "Happy New Year" wishes from them, then we headed home (thank God for 24 hours transport) for tea and toast. I can't remember what we did on New Years Day. Worring because I don't drink so can't blame it one alcohol.

Now things are getting back to pre-Christmas normality. Have been back at work for a couple of days now and rehearsals for the next show are ressuming tonight. Life will still feel a bit different as Sergio will be here so won't be getting back to my normal routine until the 18th. I haven't got around to thinking properly about Resolutions and I don't know if I'll bother this year. I've not felt well this week so all I need is a weekendful of sleep and too feel more human and then I can think about it more.